Equal Trade

By blood...thirst...sweat...tears...cries...shouts...bruises...mangled arm...and time

in exchange for...

Knowledge...honor...experience...wisdom...tenacity...courage...acceleration and ambition

Rewind

It’s funny, when you read back what you’ve written in the past 4 years, every since you’ve started to work. And when you do it, you just can’t let go of the tears of happiness and all things mixed together. Its just thanks God that I’m still here, well and alive.

But then, by rewinding it, I remember, everything has a cycle. Even for my work. The things I’ve gone thru, written thru all these times, are testament to what I’m goin thru now. No longer I can bear this...

To rewind....means to start things a new. Just got the joust recently. So I’ll just have to start of with that. Eniwei, it is sufficient, as i cannot ask more right now. Let’s just go thru things with will power as beginners.

Its all bout grabbing back the power and choice back into my own hands. Use what’s available, modify and enhance it to my own use. Stop whining and waiting. The world won’t wait for me. I’ve seen others already fly while I often think of myself still at square one.

It’s not bout the results, it’s always more on the process. Regardless of the color awaiting me at the end of tunnel, I have to make sure the process is done in a just and right manner. No more short cuts, no more whimping.

The future’s in stake. The dream is already on a cliffhanger. If it ain’t me...then who’s gonna take care of myself?

A year since then . . .

I remembered writing it....just maybe forgot to post it. I think it was around 2011 somethin....here's my thoughts on those times....

Eeeeewwwww...tak terasa, hidup berjalan demikian cepat, dan tiba2, you’ve just found yourself setahun hidup di Jakarta, or to say, di Indonesia sejak kembali dari Perth. A chapter of journey that starts up new visions and experience.

Clear is in my mind, that nite that I had to part from Perth back to my country. Really felt sad knowing that a chapter’s life had to end after marvelous times there. But life had to continue on and it was clear for me, that staying there wasn’t the best of the options available.

Touch down on the on going worsening pollution of Jakarta, my thoughts were head focused on applying for jobs. What more had I have to do besides this. Could have started from Perth, but I thought of taking my time there. Here, it took me efforts to apply here and there, including going to job fairs and taking care of my degree credentials, in which sorry to say, didn’t result in anything up till now.

Nevertheless the tight atmosphere of getting a work, I tried my best to enjoy life. Reading books and watching movies from my laptop are just some of the many things I tried to do to occupy myself during to keep my mind from idle. I even had a visit from Somad, one visit in which I thought would be the last for some times to come with my fellow dorm mates. This was bound to come as we were all living our lives somewhere. The best now is to constantly keep in touch through available means.

My efforts on applications only ended up with two being followed up, one of them is where I’m now currently working. As for the other, well, my thought back then on denying the offer was somehow due to my insecure of my own knowledge. Being admitted to such high class corporation would obviously be a perfect match to what I’ve been studying so far. But it seems my lack of of diligence in this field was what held me back. Therefore, it now is part of my history.

On the other side, my admission into one of the biggest asian bank has somehow brought me most of the new and challenging things in life so far. Not only friends, but also perspectives and a whole new attitude regarding work and related matters. All immersed in a beautiful plan from the heavens that always keeps me gracious to Allah SWT from allowing me to experience such feat.

And now, a year has passed. Regardless of all the ups and downs during those times, it never keeps me to feel gracious. It is at times like this and always must we do, to look below on those who cannot reach our current level, say our thanks to Allah SWT for the chance and honor to be given such bounty in life.

God knows what’ll happen from here on, a year later, five years later, and beyond. My only hope is to be able to go all those times in wisdom and be a better person for myself and others. One more thing . . . with memories ;-)

All about ozzy (Part 1)

The barbie’s on lakeside . . . or maybe on the riverside, accompanied by the sunset

The blue sky above, barely any clouds seen, could either be mixed in the heat or the breeze

Cycling from places, easy as it comes as the lane is reserved just for us, just remember ur helmet and stay alert :)

Or you can just hop on the train or the bus, do bring your fully loaded smartrider to ease things

Hungry? Just stop by at your favorite kebab parlor and have a juicy bite of those tender lamb meat inside *sluurrpppnyamnyam

Or if its just a thirst quencer that you need . . . just find some fountains that can be seen almost everwhere :p

The clean streets and roads, all with the happy go life that they live, is far away from the bust

That’ll constantly put your mind at peace . . .

(to be continued . . . .)

NumB3rs (2)

83 . . . as i weigh #alamatperutbuncit

27 . . . . will be this year

45 . . . size foot . . . enough to make me back and forth finding the proper size

175 . . . enough far an Indonesian to be called tall *really?

18.5 years . . . too long to take into the workforce

10 years . . . is it enough to make me mature?

4 rounds . . . the deployments I've gone thru so far

20 or more . . . . are the countries I've visited

8 . . . cellphones I've used and had so far :D

(To Be) Inspired . . .

Life is a web of connection . . . like an endless spiral of possibilities that could lead you anywhere. The countless numbers of acquaintance and pals that we meet and greet along our journey means that we might be entangled in their slightest manners or habits. The same goes vice versa, it’s usually a matter of who ends up having the highest ability to inspire, to unleash the potential and curiosity of others. On a personal perspective, there have been peoples that have ignited myself to do somethin that I wouldn’t even think of from scratch . . . names are in aliases below :P

1. Young Dancer
Ever since knowing her, our talks almost hit the topic of psychology, which is her field of expertise. It put my mind o a better understanding of how humans think of a clearer pattern. It then prompted me to go on and get a better perspective by gaining insights on this fields by reading the related topics.

2. Real Rasyid
A train freak, or a fan at least :P, hangin out with this dude brought me to natural frontiers which I have to be honest, wouldn’ be thought by me. Things went on by gettin to know bout photography. By now, it’s always exciting to learn all those things from an adventurous person :P
More people would follow, but as for now . . . I’ll put in the first two person. Jya ne.....

The Extinct~Manga

Graphic novels . . . . or manga as they say in nihongo. I bet, every people nowadays have at least read a manga once. To good to be true, the magic of reading a manga, where you can choose your desired title, really does leave you stunned and leaving wanting to wait for the next chapter.

Practically in Indonesia, graphic novels are from Japan, the percentage is around 97% I believe. It was only recently that those from Korea and the US tried to go thru the Indonesian market offering their variety of titles and genres. Regardless so, each every one of them has their own market.

Back to myself, I can remember reading these tiny books ever since grade 3. Back then in Singapore, it was a luxury to read such books as we had to go to Indonesia to get one that was already translated in Indonesian. I remember that one of my favorite manga was one called “Kenji”. A classic title that even manga oldschoolers till now would highly regard this title due to its story and artwork.

And as I grew older, the title’s I read expanded. But it wasn’t till my Uni days that the number of titles and my enthusiasm towards manga really exploded :P. Hundreds of titles I read and more genres I enjoyed. It surely did in someway, broaden my view of what’s happening in the world in a more surreal graphically way. And it also heightened up my interest in Japanese stuffs as almost of the titles I read where from Japan.

Not only I read them in hard copy format, I also progressed on to downloading the soft copies from the internet. With the number of titles available increasing, I slowly shifted away from my regular comic rental to self picking them from the internet. Not only its cheaper, but we also get the privileged to have them straight or sooner than waiting for the official printed version in Indonesia.

But then . . . why called it extinct? Well....pretty much due to the sudden fact that I just stopped reading them for now apparent reason. To say not reading at all would be wrong cause I do read some selected titles, just for the sake of finishing them of due to their interesting story. No apparent clear reason can be found to why I just stopped suddenly. Guess it might be the thought that I had to move on in life and do something more worthwhile.

Unlike philately where it has been dead and left in the cupboards, manga isn’t total dead to me. It’s just fading away, surely for to be extinct some day in my life. Till then, just enjoy on what’s left . . . .

The Extinct~Philately

Who doesn’t know philately? For total newbies, its practically the hobby of collecting stamps and related items pertaining to it. Though it looks boring, but honestly, it is one of the few hobbies where not only you collect items, but you also get to know all new other things as you go by. This is because stamps always depict something in them which sooner or later, would tickle our curiosity to get to know something new related to their inserted illustration.

Well, that’s enough for the introduction. Let’s start of with one my extinct pet hobbies. To say extinct means that I’ve once had a good time enjoying doing this till I suddenly stopped doing so . . . .

I can’t clearly remember since when I liked stating collection these small perforated items. Guess it was around grade 5 back then in S’pore. It escalated when I moved on living in Jakarta. During these times, I continued to a more serious level by collecting other stamp related items such as FDC’s and stamp sheets. It surely cost me a lot of money, which meant I had to keep saving to be able to get the latest item each every publishing.

By collecting them, it also meant I had to hunt for items that where rare or those that I haven’t had yet back then. And not only collecting all them, but I also had to go all the excitement of carefully covering them with protective plastics to guard them from fungi before storing them in the stamp book. To sum them up, it carefully trained my attention to detail and heart to patiently saving to get new ones.

But as they say, all good things must come to an end. The same goes for philately. My entrance to uni practically robbed my time and attention to take care of my hobby. Hence, it just faded away suddenly without saying good bye.

And now . . . the years have passed since I last brought my last stamp set. Every once in a while, it does tickle me to start collecting stamps again. This nostalgic feeling sure is lovely. But I also have to be honest with myself that current conditions require me to be pragmatic and use my money for better stuffs now and later. Therefore, my dearest collections would pretty be much kept safely in my cupboard, far from light and fungi that could destroy them . . . .

Young Dreams

Ever remember what you wanted to be when you were a child? Those young and cheerful days where you would just sprout out innocent wishes of we would like to be once grown up. The endless imagination and hopes of a certain someone and something to become. And yet, once grown up, have we yet bothered to look back and see what we yearned of back in those youthful days?

For such thing personally, it just gives me the smiles and giggles on what happened back then. It certainly was a time that all our wants were based on what we liked and mostly exposed to back then. The earliest thing that I could remember was wanting to be an astronaut :D. Why such the lavish yet almost impossible feat that even an Indonesian couldn’t achieve until now? I guess it was all due to my fascination of space and all its celestial objects that prompted me to dream of being the certain person to be able to see them directly in the space up there in the sky.

Upon this dream, I guess the closest step for me was when I went to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida way back then when I was a kid around 1991-1992. The sheer excitement to come and see for yourself, how all the well known gadgets and instruments on space exploration were put to exhibit in that place. It really put me in a surreal feeling as if your one of those people that really did go up in space.
And as you grow up upon the years, things changes and dreams also follow forth. My next things to be was pretty much simple . . . to be a postman :P. After the highs, now all I wanted to be was way down in the earths. Again . . . naze? This one was just merely because at that time I was infuriated with philately aKa stamp collecting. My simple thought was if I would be working as a post officer, I would get easy access to stamps anywhere and everywhere :)). Pretty lame reason but hey, It’s just a memory to be remembered. In terms of a hobby, I also would think that this hobby is one of the ones I’ve maintain for quite some time before letting it go for something else. I also sometimes feel the tickle in myself to come back and mingle again with those objects even until now since it really leaves me the sense of nostalgic when I reminisce back on hunting and collecting new and old stamps ;)).

After this point onwards, I guess it was a period of void and vacancy of hobbies and dreams. The need of pragmatism and daily I think crumbled my dreams to be something. Even when I still wanted one to be, It would have to be something more realistic and achievable in my state as I grew older. I guess that’s one phase that would eventually happen to someone once you age and reach the step of maturity. Innocent dreams change to pragmatic and often dull wishes, leaving out the youthful passion of something happy to become. If this is the case, one would wonder why such thing often happens to ones life.

As far as I would be concerned, it might be the constant exposure to the cruel reality outside, how you would face them yet struggling to maintain the innocence of ones dream. Such thing wouldn’t be an easy journey as life is cruel and would eat up your very virtue on something. I too have experienced it. It might sound sad doing so, but never I have regretted the process as I believed it was something that would lead myself to something newer too. Personally, it was just a matter of letting things flow. The only thing that changed was the fact that I slowly realized that . . . my life was almost left dreamless, living as a drone that was told to be.

Stop for a while, look back and start envisioning the future that was something that I had to do sooner or later I thought, and honestly, it wasn’t an easy, not to say a pleasant process. I had to compromise most of the things I’ve gone through and yet, keeping myself to be let astray by this world. When did this happen, I guess sometime in the midst of Perthian lands just a couple of years ago. Needless to say, I have to be grateful for this process, since it has enlightened and matured me to some extent. It was from this point onwards that I finally realized the places that I can be and could go. If I look back at my past standards, it wouldn’t be one fulfilling thing, but rest assured, I still believe it would be something that lead me to something I would finally yearn and proud of. The humble desire to just come back to earth and submit yourself towards the modest dream of devoting life to religiousness. Upon this final dream, all I can say is Amin Ya Allah Ya Rabb. It might now match to what I’m coming to become, but that’s the only innocence inside me that’s left to keep and dream of . . .

Early Last Year ~ Like Father . . . Like Son

Okok . . . you all might be wondering, why would I again, bring this period up. I do personally understand and remember that this time of my life was pretty much devastating. Not only on a personal level but also caused some fundamental changes to my way of thinking. But that is why then again I would like to bring it up again as there were many things unexplored in terms of what changed.

On a trivial and observable level, the changes that happened included my sudden change on not reading manga’s on a routine scale and getting a girlfriend. But some subtle changes did in fact happen to me. Changes that involved how I saw myself and in relation to my closest people around me.
The realization mostly happened due to my increasing interaction with my parents these past couple of months since that time. It couldn’t be helped, for I haven’t been living together properly as a family since the past couple of years since I was sent to Malang. During these times, I realized some things about how I am and been doing things.

Simple facts like my forgetfulness, inability to be intuitive and most of all, my ineptness in basic social communication were revealed. Ever since, I have been always trying my best to improve and excel in those areas where I lack. Still progressing slowly and the fruits of success are showing. However, the rest of the revelations are mostly related on a DNA level.

What I meant above is the fact that most of my traits are traits that I inherited from my father. Hahaha . . . honestly the last person I would be and now, I just realized that I indeed inherit most of my father’s traits, good and bad. Not in terms of traits, but currently, I’m also in the verge of also following the footsteps of my father’s career . . . a banker literally . . .

There’s a saying, the harder you dislike something, the harder it’ll hit back and return to you. Well, I guess that’s what happening to me rite now. Why I said he’s the last person I’d be cause I still can remember how my father’s trait has caused me mental hardships all these times. But then again, I also cannot deny that my recent success in study also happened due to the fact that I adopted most of my father’s tricks and traits in studying.

But then again, my girl once said to me, you’ve gotta let go of those hatred and disdain feelings, and embrace the fact of who you are. Only then that you will be able to excel far beyond your heritage. I guess that’s how I should put things rite now. Besides, I’m just feeling too old far a quarrel. I’ve been thinking, better to harness those given facts to the best of my advantage and make truce with past (which is with my dad).

Hence, here I am now, being the almost complete shadow of my dad. Nevertheless how facts may be, I still yearn to be someone different. Regardless so, seems I have to harness what’s already given in my DNA. I may have gained my masters, but in terms of life, I guess I have to admit that I need to learn a lot from my dad.

P . . . E . . . R . . . T . . . H

You gave me a journey . . . endless as it seemed . . . widening a vision and horizon of ones shell

You offered a second chance . . . to redeem and make up for past mistakes ever made

You gave me life . . . knowing how the world works . . . how naiveness is ones enemy for the future

You dropped me tears . . . for the un-knowing of life and all its ups and downs

You pushed me to the limits . . . doing things that would seem impossible had not I moved here

You taught me pain . . . to complement the tears that I’ve shed round these times

You threw me opportunities . . . putting me on a different level beyond expectations

You let me mature . . . experiencing the every days of life in solitude and togetherness

You let me love . . . granting me an angel (insya Allah) to share life with

You let me dream again . . . awakening sleeping visions of youth and idealism
However . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You also slammed me back to the ground . . . reminding me where I should start of with

Nevertheless . . . I am endlessly in debt and would always feel gratitude towards all I felt, encountered and experienced here . . . for it shall always form a new me for what’s to come.

May everything that has been grown . . . sowed . . . and started . . . continue to foster and forever grow in our hearts and mind for benevolences. As it will be the last thing that will keep our nexuses for eternity . . . .

12012010 . . . Ao sora no shita de

Wanderer’s Tale

An era of journey is close to its end….a wanderer is gonna move on to the next world…finding the unknown treasures and lessons to be learnt
Before so…it is worthwhile to stop first…take a rest…and look back at what have we got throughout the months of repent…solitude and grow…

Friends…experience…places…items…foods….money…knowledge…such obvious mundane things did happen…but does it really stop to just those? …isn’t there anything more worth noticing on this short break of life?

While it goes back to each perspectives and glasses…but from my glasses…it sent me countless visions of thought…so unique that it enriches my sould second by second…visions of gratitude to life as each second passes by daily.

As if light speed…the course not only filled in the gaps of the lost time…but it added up with thoughts of unprecedented chances. Hard work…fighter…openness…never satisfaction….order….maturity and self identification….some that were found on the cards of travel….

Still…there’s time to wrap things up….pack my baggage for the next dimension…but then…for the time….lets savor every second that passes by will be the memento for the uncertainties in the following journey.

May the next journey give me clearer views on life…not blurry ones like recently :P

Yo sólo soy un vagabundo vida

Rhymes of Life

Has anyone doubted the power of songs?Songs or.music…the oftern said universal language of this world. Has the power to convey words…meanings and feelings through endless rhythm and melodies. Regardless of what culture, race and religion, we always end up winding ourself with the rhymes of life.

OK…enough 4 the philosophical stuff…anyway…why I wrote this impulsive blog was this feeling I felt when I indulged myself thru the melodies inside my iPod. Just instincly, I turned it to randon and shuffle and let the fuzzy logic do the work on choosing the songs. Slowly…I found myself in some sort of kaleidoscope…..

The random songs in my iPod suddenly gave this sensation of how I fealt this song first when I heard it back then….the surroundings….what I was doing…what I was like…and many kinds of things…in short…it was as if I was in some sort of time capsule….going thru my life journey. Especially the rhymes before the year 2004.

Why 2004?well…first…I thought it was during this time I really hooked myself with sist BoA and the old mans of laruku….putting aside any popular songs of the time to just enjoy their masterpieces. But then….it wasn’t till I noticed later on that the songs before this year in my life was kinda like….full of meanings and life metaphors for me personally.

The songs were more rich in meanings….melodic and not to mention….personally evergreen. I know this sorta subjective…but hey….it is my blog…I can talk whatever I can :P. Each songs…has its distinct story on that particular life phase. It’s not like the songs after 2004 do not have these qualities…but I just personally feel they have lost the personal touch to me (well…except the two artists I mention above ^^).

Ah yeah…back to the metaphors…well…It’s obviously too much for to say in what metaphors they are….but in short….it gave me the nostalgic feeling of naivity….innocence….childish….rebellion….mischief….idealism….youth….fantasy and day dreaming….long list ain’t it :P…but yeah….that’s what been popping out in my mind recently.

Though you can feel this sensation as you countlessly go thru the songs anytime you want….to bad….its just a mere memento….a symbolism of what’s happened. The best for now is for it to be a neverending silent witness to the life journey we have gone thru….a long lasting melody that will always linger in our minds and hearts. An eternal rhyme of life for a classical story….eventually 

The Flavor of Life

Ketika anak kecil…kita berceloteh….”enaknya yang dah besar….bisa melakukan ini itu sekehendaknya tanpa perlu disuruh-suruh…”

Ketika kita agak tua sedikit…semasa SMP….berucaplah kita…”enak ya anak SMA….hidupnya lebih fun n gawul….

Beranjak SMA….terseliplah kata2…”enaknya yang dah kuliah….hidup bebas tanpa aturan….SMA sucks…harus les sana sini biar bisa lulus UAN…>.<”

Semasa kuliah….berujarlah seseorang…”Enaknya yang dah kerja…bisa dapet duit tuk diri sendiri….kuliah bosen nih…dari kecil belajar mulu….”

Sewaktu kita dah kerja….berpikirlah kita…”Wew…kerja sibuk coy….engga ada waktu tuk refreshing…sibuk ngurusin perusahaan…

Bila anak sudah ada dan beranjak tumbuh….terlintaslah pikiran….”senangnya jadi anak kecil….engga ada beban hidup…bisa bebas berekspresi tanpa dimintai pertanggungjawaban”

So…what’s the point of all things above??

Hidup itu penuh keniscayaan….seiring kita bertambah tua…like it or not…kita akan dipaksa untuk meningkatkan tanggungjawab kita kepada diri dan orang-orang disekitar kita…cepat atau lambat hal ini akan terjadi. The only choice to not experience the above life cycle is for you to be a kid (forever) or either be an insane human without a common sense.

Time is the only wealth that we have….we always have it for the rest of our lives. Yet…as humans…we always tend to disregard it and misuse it for most of our lives. We just let time flow in our lives without knowing that every second of it is worth our lives and it’ll be asked for questioning on “that” day.

True we have to enjoy life…but it is also important that we use every second of our life for useful things…so that we don’t just moan on our lives and let things past by without a meaning. Every stage of life has its happiness and responsibility….Just be grateful and enjoy every part of it as we go through our lives.

Plan A . . .B . . . and O

What would you think when reading those words above? Blood category? Or maybe go a bit racist by thinking its a saying for certain people...nope...nope...see it from a broader perspective ;)

It’s more on how we plan things. As humans, tentunya kita akan melakukan banyak hal terkait perencanaan, entah itu yang bersifat pribadi maupun dalam skala yang lebih besar seperti melibatkan orang lain atau suatu organisasi. Bagaimanapun, perencanaan merupakan suatu aktivitas inheren yang niscaya akan dilakukan manusia manapun dalam hidupnya. Rasanya hanya anak kecil dan orang gila saja yang tidak melakukan perencanaan, why?coz hanya merekalah yang bias menjalani hidup secara carefree tanpa beban utnuk memikirkan hidupnya.

Nevertheless,it is this one thing that also makes humans sometimes suffer and agonize due to the fact that planning is not something as easy as flipping your hand. Perencanaan, walo secara dasarnya melibatkan suatu logika berpikir, namun dalam praktiknya seringkali harus bersentuhan dengan variabel2 eksternal lainnya yang pada akhirnya sedikit banyak akan “menyesuaikan” planning ini sehingga mencapai suatu bentuk akhir yang suka engga suka akan diterima oleh perencana yang bersangkutan.

For example, I’ll start of with something simple. Kita menginginkan ssuatu. Mungkin kalo itu hanya suatu pikiran belaka, itu hanya sekedar wacana atau angan belaka. Tapi ketika kita sudah melakukan dan menuliskan langkah2 yang akan kita lakukan tuk meraih hal itu, maka itu sudah menjadi sebuah rencana. The problem starts here in fact...bahwa rencana akan senantiasa berevolusi mencapai bentuk paling pragmatis kemudian.

It is because the ones who executes plans are humans themselves, it is what makes plans often have to accommodate, adapt and change to the never ending surroundings that comes around us. Sesempurna apapun plan kita, sifat hidup sendiri yang tidak pernah pasti dan penuh ketidaktahuan akan apa yang kan terjadi membuat perencanaan harus senantiasa berubah2.

I’m not saying here that plans should not have a fix things on how to achieve what they want, I’m just stating that plans cannot be made rigidly and neglect the fact that it is only a mere hope written with its steps to gain it. Especially when it interacts with the variable of human being....it then reacts as some sort of chemical reaction...just coping to find the best outcome.

Though you have all these back up plans from A to...ah..just name the alphabet you want...but if you put out the variable of human and life destinies....it again ends up as just a mere thought. There are no such things as a perfect plan. Like in statistics...you can only achieve a degree of trustworthiness until 99%. Where does the last 1% go? Like it or not...it goes back to this one divine decision from the heavens on how it would turn out to be. It is this particular 1 % that makes a plan to be made or even completely broken at all.

That’s why in my religion, we are always to told to not only plan well for everything we do , but also never stop to pray to the heavens for that plan to succeed. Nevertheless, less people understand the significance this 1%. It is as if as long we plan the best, then all good things would come fourth. Unfortunately, life not as logical as that.

Aside the fact that there is this 1%, we also must remember that humans too play part in adjusting our plan. It’s not like we live in a vacuum, where we can just execute any plan without taking into considerations the interactions we have with other persons. Since we live in a society that forces us to interact with all sorts of persons, then there would obviously be a high chance for any plans to change.

But hey…don’t worry….that’s why nowadays they have what they call the science of management. Basically the art of dealing, interacting and arranging the acts of people, this science has really come in handy the last couple of ages and help gear up planning to a different level and erase the hardships that were first thought to hinder a planning completely. The downside is that this is not completely a magic tool that can help cut off the bad side of things…management science still has a long way to go in this part.

With all the explanations above, I’ld reckon myself to be qualified to write a decent book on planning in management :D, however, I just wrote this out of experience, past and recent. My life until now has pretty much thought me that planning is so important, that we should never ever dare to dream for something good unless we have prepared something to gain that thing. Or else, it’ll just end up as mere dreams. Back then…I did live on plans…but most of them were just short to middle term plans. Most of all, they pretty much lacked the element of synchronization.

It wasn’t till I moved to Perth that I started to think of a life long plan for the remainder of my life. It really sounded great, but in fact it is quite the challenging task to do. By this point that I realized, a life long plan should take into account all sorts of things, the good and bad aspects of life. You just cannot deduce that everything is gonna happen coz life is also full of ups and downs. In short, the plan should be prepared for any worst case scenarios.

But when we talk about preparing for the worst, this is also another factor that makes planning furthermore costly and tedious. The fact that we have to prepare for the worst means that we have to do all sorts of things to get ourselves prepared, and this would obviously hit our pocket hard. There are many life examples on this to mention, like savings, insurances and investing. Basically these activities are done to prepare our life for any upcoming hardships that would come by. It would be wonderful if we could just focus life on what we really want to do and plan without having to bother on the backup plans needed for safe beings, but this kind of situation rarely manifest itself into ones life.

Being prepared would also mean that we should have the ability to predict and determine what parts of our life that contribute to the uncertainty. Its not always about finding from the views of others, but identifying ourselves is one step to start this thing. Like a saying…if you can know yourself…then you would know the world….everything starts from us…then we spread things outward. I guess that’s all for now….don’t wanna to talk too much on this matter as I’m afraid it could bite me one day if I just speak and do nothing bout it myself.

PS: for those who really know me….they would have guessed the hidden meaning of this blog’s title :P….yup…..;)

Twilight

No….it’s not about Edward Cullen…nope….I haven’t even read the novel….and nope…I’m not even looking at a sunset…Its more into my life and my thoughts about it lately. Ini tidak terjadi begitu saja…tapi setelah melalu berbagai pengamatan…pikiran dan perenungan…baik atas sekarang, masa lalu dan mempertimbangkan masa depan.

Kapan ya I had this thought…bisa jadi dalam seminggu ini….sungguh…usahaku tuk menikmati liburan dalam “pengasingan diri” menjadikan ku tuk dikit reminiscing back towards what I’ve been doing until this point. Aslinya sih hanya tuk introspeksi diri atas progress kuliah dan hidupku selama semester ini…but then…it seemed to go way back beyond what I intended to be.

Sudah kusinggung di beberap postingku yg lalu kalo aq sedang menjalani masa2 terakhirku di ozzy. Cukup menyesakkan sih aslinya…apalgi mengingat fakta bahwa aq telah berkoar akan apply PR dsini…but then…kita berencana…Allah menetapkan lain. It turned out my parents didn’t have the needed funds to help sponsor me to apply PR…so then there goes one’s dream of making a future for himself.

Sempet kepikiran tuk mendayagunakan tabunganku sendiri…bisa aja sih…apalagi dah kerja sejauh ini…I thought…why not?but again…setekah dipikir masak2….engga lah….bukannya aq g bsa memaksakan diri…but terdapat banyak pertimbangan2 tuk melakukan itu…obviously…dengan tabunganku itu..aq bsa melakukan banyak hal di indo dripada sekedar menghabiskannya tuk membiayai aplikasi PR.

So there…vanished one of my hopes…Namun demikian…bukan hal ini kok yg jadi pokok renungan ku…itu hanyalah salah satu yg alhamdulillah sejauh ini telah ku ikhlaskan…walo tetep meninggalkan semacem sesak klo dipikirkan terlalu mendalam lagi :P. But eniwei…I’ld like to go on some of the main reasons on why this blog was written in the end.

It’s more on the fact that I’ve looked back upon my old blog. Rasanya bener deh….nano2 banget….kadang aq bisa ketawa…senyum sendiri…termenung….membuat mata berkaca….heran dan hal2 lainnya ketika membaca kembali catatan perjalanan hidupku sejak akhir 2006 sampe saat ini. Sungguh…ketika aku membaca semua itu kembali….betapa aku mendapati suatu transformasi diriku….

Transformasi macam apakah?hmmm….a lot to say…but hey…lets start of one by one ;). Pertama….aq mendapati bahwa nuansa hidupku kala itu seungguh carefree…hidup tanpa beban…hidup seakan masa depan telah ditetapkan…semua itu tercemin dari gaya bahasa dan penceritaan di blog yang begitu adanya dan mengalir begitu saja. Aku engga bisa menyalahkan hal ini karena bagaimanapun itu merupakan konsekuensi hidupku saat itu yang emang cenderung sante akibat engga menjalani lagi kuliah rutin, Cuma ngerjain skripsi dan sedang menunggu masa2 ke ozzy.

But things took a turn once I moved to Perth. Slowly but sure, my writings were movings towards those of a logical and rational man. Tulisanku kudapati berkurang nuansa sante…dan berganti menjadi semacam tulisan yang menggambarkan progress hari2ku di Perth. Dan semua itu juga diikuti dengan berkurangnya suasana cair dan sante yg ada di tulisan2ku yang dulu. Emang sih…semua itu karena aktivitasku yg tidak lagi sante dan berganti menjadi kuliah rutin yang bebannya sungguh beda dengan kul di Indo. Walo aku tetep berusaha menulis hal2 yg lain disela2 senggangku…tapi hal2 semacam itu mulai jarang….tenggelam di antara keluh kesah seorang pengelana hidup….

Things took another change with the coming of facebook. Kali ini…kumulai melakukan tulisan2 kecil…to dalem bahasanya fesbuk…”notes”. Namanya juga notes…cuma tulisan2 kecil yang engga sepanjang blog. But during the times of me writing those notes…I just felt my mind flying freely and be able to writ done things shortly but full of metaphors and unusuall jokes asides life paradoxes. Dunno how I did it….Is it coz of the fact that I was kinda re-adapting to my studies after a too long vacation?That could be the fact if I look at recent blogs which have become again much like the blogs in the mid 2008.

By taking a look at my writing…it’s obvious that I’ve been from a carefree person to a person more into plans….rationality and logics in most of life. Hilang sudah rasa2 sante dan bebas sebagaimana hidup sebelum ke ozzy…tergantikan oleh nuansa tugas….planning dan eksekusi. Good or bad?hmm….itu yang harus dicari tahu berikutnya nih….

Carefree…well….sungguh aku merindukan suasana macem ini…ketika kita bisa melakukan segala sesuatu sesuai irama kita sesuka hati. But then….semua itu hilang ditelan bumi seiring datangnya komitmen2 hdup lainnya yang menuntut tanggung jawab dan perhatian penuh setiap waktu. Entah kapan lagi aku bisa menjalani hidup yang carefree…maybe dna mungkin hanya ketika aku mendapatkan suatu liburan yang panjang…,but hey….engga juga sih…coz skalipun ada liburan panjang….rasanya engga lagi aq bsa menikmati nuansa carefree itu kembali....

Why is that….I think it’s obviously the fact that as I get older….anda akan semakin dipaksa tuk berusaha melakukan sesuatu yang berguna dalam hidup anda daripada sekedar menghabiskan waktu seenaknya sendiri tanpa adanya beban…itu yang aku rasakan…dank arena ketidakmampuan melakukan ssuatu yang berarti itulah akhirnya jadi salah satu penyebab rasa menyesalku ketika liburan panjang terakhir…that is why I’m planning to put my next last long vacation to good use…to work and travel….to make things worthwhile…

But then…if I take a look at current things where life is pretty much planned….logic and more rational…I just cannot help thinking that I do lack the element of surprise…the need to do somethings unplanned and just let life go as it is according to your surroundings. I’l dlove to….but again…if I do so…I also cannot help remember the fact that my presence here is to regain my lost time.

For those who did follow my blog until now…you might have noticed that I once in a while mention about “lost time”. It’ just my saying of my bachelor days in where I just let life flow as it is without doing any proper planning for my life. The result?I managed to not only secure a bringhter future I could have gained….i also missed times and chances of prosperity and fortunes that I could have gained.

It’s not I’m disregarding the moments and experience I’ve gained from those times…it’s just that I feel that I have to make up for those times I’ve disregarded….not only coz I’m in ozzy which would look like a chance in a lifetime…but it is also the last chance to prove my worth to the others around me…those that have been watching upon me and placed there hopes on.

So in short….i cannot live the life of full carefreeness again…but yet I need to loosen up and enjoy my life of studies here…so…I guess it’s a matter of doing things in moderation hey…Living life in a planned way while also at the sametime feeling carefree and without any burden is not something you can do overnight….butuh waktu tuk melakukannya perlahan2 sehingga bsa mendapatkan cara yang tepat….hope I can do this ;)

For every twilight….there is always a sunrise towards a (hopefully) better future…that is what I’m always hoping for… 

Fallen Angels

It’s on something more…on to our nexus…bonds…one thing that has tickled me on some of my re-encounters and cross paths.

I bet…every one of us had a dream…that one dream as ayouth that we always held on…and we vowed in our hearts that we hope to fulfill those wishes…pure and idealistic wishes…till our soul departs the body…however…little we did realize that life is full of winding roads.

We made friends…acquaintances…and contacts here and there…yet…all seems to have vanished in the ashes of mundane matters.

Why I’m saying these dark yet depressed words…feelin depressed?nope…just reflecting on some that had and felt those words above years ago. And when I engage such things…I cannot help but to feel this notion of lossness and pityness towards those evaporated dreams and sacred visions.

Even though some have survived the harshness and beatings of this hellish world….still…many have been led astray…lost in the fog of worldly problems…desires and sadness…by then…I wonder…is there still a spark of light to still find again that lost hope and time…

Maybe…they left to find happiness…to escape the harshness of the dreams…to find togetherness…to seek love…or any other thing….such things cannot be blamed for we are humans who still long for such kind of things…maybe…it was our intentions that were not strong…our prayers not enough…or even…we were just playing around that time…who knows but the heavens above….

If time were to come back again…I wonder what went wrong…what was missed….what was lacked till that special light bestowed was to be lost…Nevertheless…such things won’t ever happen…just the intentions of doing so presently is what’s available for us.

For those who survived…please…stay as you are…or even soar higher….bring our fallen dreams…and do…pray for us…the fallen angels…to be able to ever revive our broken wings and redeem that forgotten hope we once together held upon. Stay alight…at the very least to be our lighthouse in this dark world.

For me and those fallen angels….

What if....

What if…I hadn’t known u back then…would my heart stay as cold as before?

What if…I wasn’t bedazzled by u back then…would my 1st still be in my mind forever?

What if...we hadn’t interacted too much…would we still have words to discuss now?

What if…you didn’t call me that night…would I wonder how nice to hear your sound?

What if…I didn’t go back too quick…would you still feel lonely by yourself that time?

What if…we didn’t have some force majeur…would we still think positively on each other?

What if…the sacred time didn’t come…we still maintain that ongoing pace that would look so quick?

What if…u didn’t send me that note…would I still be hoping for that promise that I thought was a joke?

What if…u weren’e intrenched by your duties…would u have time to just say hello to me?

What if…I wasn’t engulfed in solitudeness…would u still have a flowing conversation with me?

What if u didn’t tell me your past…would I then had the courage to say…”daisuki” ?

What if we didn’t get to see each other back then…would that mean there’s still a chance?or do I just have to consider myself foolish and unlucky again?

What if…we were to cross paths some day one day…would we be able to recognize each other?

What if…what if…what if…Wallahualam bis shawab….

Soulless

Lost…soulless…even though skyscrapers plundge high to the heavens…

Filthy rich…still…a piece of light dims away

Laughs…hurrays...and cheers…nevertheless…they stay dull

Struggling to live…yet at the same time it’s just a mere event of drowning in the
depths of hell

Without the heavenly light…mundane would it be forever without any sacred benefits

And still…people flock year by years…searching for that better life…yet…is it worth it?

Risking our light and pride…sometimes…we can only tell when it’s only too late….

Would the hopes be true eventually…nonetheless…we live as bubbles in the ocean…unaware of what we can do…

Leaving us astray by that sweet but deadly warmth….

Forgiveness and consciouness is all I ask…to go through the times till the promised is fulfilled

Dareka

Coridor…pale yet warmth…at a verge of a cliff

However….eyes gazed at a dim light at the end

Closer it came…bedazzled I was

Sacred from its start, shockingly revealing its boundaries not even allowed

In awe….wondering who and why now

Knewing it would be an end…you came closer shouting out that hidden urge of closeness…

Embracing…as if time stood still…drops fell…

Happy as I was…still…in the silence of grasping things

Suddenly…you raised your face…showing me what’s supposed to be something for the dialogues to come

Losing my time…words of promise exchanged…vowing to wait each other despite all odds

Overwhelmed by it…nevertheless…I overlooked how I was supposed to address….the one with a sweet and tender smile

Even though…it all was nice…despite an unknown promise to whom I should fulfill it….