Twilight

No….it’s not about Edward Cullen…nope….I haven’t even read the novel….and nope…I’m not even looking at a sunset…Its more into my life and my thoughts about it lately. Ini tidak terjadi begitu saja…tapi setelah melalu berbagai pengamatan…pikiran dan perenungan…baik atas sekarang, masa lalu dan mempertimbangkan masa depan.

Kapan ya I had this thought…bisa jadi dalam seminggu ini….sungguh…usahaku tuk menikmati liburan dalam “pengasingan diri” menjadikan ku tuk dikit reminiscing back towards what I’ve been doing until this point. Aslinya sih hanya tuk introspeksi diri atas progress kuliah dan hidupku selama semester ini…but then…it seemed to go way back beyond what I intended to be.

Sudah kusinggung di beberap postingku yg lalu kalo aq sedang menjalani masa2 terakhirku di ozzy. Cukup menyesakkan sih aslinya…apalgi mengingat fakta bahwa aq telah berkoar akan apply PR dsini…but then…kita berencana…Allah menetapkan lain. It turned out my parents didn’t have the needed funds to help sponsor me to apply PR…so then there goes one’s dream of making a future for himself.

Sempet kepikiran tuk mendayagunakan tabunganku sendiri…bisa aja sih…apalagi dah kerja sejauh ini…I thought…why not?but again…setekah dipikir masak2….engga lah….bukannya aq g bsa memaksakan diri…but terdapat banyak pertimbangan2 tuk melakukan itu…obviously…dengan tabunganku itu..aq bsa melakukan banyak hal di indo dripada sekedar menghabiskannya tuk membiayai aplikasi PR.

So there…vanished one of my hopes…Namun demikian…bukan hal ini kok yg jadi pokok renungan ku…itu hanyalah salah satu yg alhamdulillah sejauh ini telah ku ikhlaskan…walo tetep meninggalkan semacem sesak klo dipikirkan terlalu mendalam lagi :P. But eniwei…I’ld like to go on some of the main reasons on why this blog was written in the end.

It’s more on the fact that I’ve looked back upon my old blog. Rasanya bener deh….nano2 banget….kadang aq bisa ketawa…senyum sendiri…termenung….membuat mata berkaca….heran dan hal2 lainnya ketika membaca kembali catatan perjalanan hidupku sejak akhir 2006 sampe saat ini. Sungguh…ketika aku membaca semua itu kembali….betapa aku mendapati suatu transformasi diriku….

Transformasi macam apakah?hmmm….a lot to say…but hey…lets start of one by one ;). Pertama….aq mendapati bahwa nuansa hidupku kala itu seungguh carefree…hidup tanpa beban…hidup seakan masa depan telah ditetapkan…semua itu tercemin dari gaya bahasa dan penceritaan di blog yang begitu adanya dan mengalir begitu saja. Aku engga bisa menyalahkan hal ini karena bagaimanapun itu merupakan konsekuensi hidupku saat itu yang emang cenderung sante akibat engga menjalani lagi kuliah rutin, Cuma ngerjain skripsi dan sedang menunggu masa2 ke ozzy.

But things took a turn once I moved to Perth. Slowly but sure, my writings were movings towards those of a logical and rational man. Tulisanku kudapati berkurang nuansa sante…dan berganti menjadi semacam tulisan yang menggambarkan progress hari2ku di Perth. Dan semua itu juga diikuti dengan berkurangnya suasana cair dan sante yg ada di tulisan2ku yang dulu. Emang sih…semua itu karena aktivitasku yg tidak lagi sante dan berganti menjadi kuliah rutin yang bebannya sungguh beda dengan kul di Indo. Walo aku tetep berusaha menulis hal2 yg lain disela2 senggangku…tapi hal2 semacam itu mulai jarang….tenggelam di antara keluh kesah seorang pengelana hidup….

Things took another change with the coming of facebook. Kali ini…kumulai melakukan tulisan2 kecil…to dalem bahasanya fesbuk…”notes”. Namanya juga notes…cuma tulisan2 kecil yang engga sepanjang blog. But during the times of me writing those notes…I just felt my mind flying freely and be able to writ done things shortly but full of metaphors and unusuall jokes asides life paradoxes. Dunno how I did it….Is it coz of the fact that I was kinda re-adapting to my studies after a too long vacation?That could be the fact if I look at recent blogs which have become again much like the blogs in the mid 2008.

By taking a look at my writing…it’s obvious that I’ve been from a carefree person to a person more into plans….rationality and logics in most of life. Hilang sudah rasa2 sante dan bebas sebagaimana hidup sebelum ke ozzy…tergantikan oleh nuansa tugas….planning dan eksekusi. Good or bad?hmm….itu yang harus dicari tahu berikutnya nih….

Carefree…well….sungguh aku merindukan suasana macem ini…ketika kita bisa melakukan segala sesuatu sesuai irama kita sesuka hati. But then….semua itu hilang ditelan bumi seiring datangnya komitmen2 hdup lainnya yang menuntut tanggung jawab dan perhatian penuh setiap waktu. Entah kapan lagi aku bisa menjalani hidup yang carefree…maybe dna mungkin hanya ketika aku mendapatkan suatu liburan yang panjang…,but hey….engga juga sih…coz skalipun ada liburan panjang….rasanya engga lagi aq bsa menikmati nuansa carefree itu kembali....

Why is that….I think it’s obviously the fact that as I get older….anda akan semakin dipaksa tuk berusaha melakukan sesuatu yang berguna dalam hidup anda daripada sekedar menghabiskan waktu seenaknya sendiri tanpa adanya beban…itu yang aku rasakan…dank arena ketidakmampuan melakukan ssuatu yang berarti itulah akhirnya jadi salah satu penyebab rasa menyesalku ketika liburan panjang terakhir…that is why I’m planning to put my next last long vacation to good use…to work and travel….to make things worthwhile…

But then…if I take a look at current things where life is pretty much planned….logic and more rational…I just cannot help thinking that I do lack the element of surprise…the need to do somethings unplanned and just let life go as it is according to your surroundings. I’l dlove to….but again…if I do so…I also cannot help remember the fact that my presence here is to regain my lost time.

For those who did follow my blog until now…you might have noticed that I once in a while mention about “lost time”. It’ just my saying of my bachelor days in where I just let life flow as it is without doing any proper planning for my life. The result?I managed to not only secure a bringhter future I could have gained….i also missed times and chances of prosperity and fortunes that I could have gained.

It’s not I’m disregarding the moments and experience I’ve gained from those times…it’s just that I feel that I have to make up for those times I’ve disregarded….not only coz I’m in ozzy which would look like a chance in a lifetime…but it is also the last chance to prove my worth to the others around me…those that have been watching upon me and placed there hopes on.

So in short….i cannot live the life of full carefreeness again…but yet I need to loosen up and enjoy my life of studies here…so…I guess it’s a matter of doing things in moderation hey…Living life in a planned way while also at the sametime feeling carefree and without any burden is not something you can do overnight….butuh waktu tuk melakukannya perlahan2 sehingga bsa mendapatkan cara yang tepat….hope I can do this ;)

For every twilight….there is always a sunrise towards a (hopefully) better future…that is what I’m always hoping for… 

Minal Aidin Wal Fa’izin….mohon maaf…saya remek lahir batin

OOohhh….pekan sunyi kedua dataaannggg…..Ya Allah….akhirnya daku bisa istirahat dari pergumulanku dengan panglima2 assignment yg sungguh telah menguras tenaga dan batinku…Dikala aq harus bisa memanfaatkan ramadhan dengan meningkatkan ibadahku….aku malah lebihs sering mendem nang kamar nggarap tgs….ohh…sungguh merugi aku (.Terutama tuk 2 minggu terakhir….really…aq engga bisa tenang mikir bagaimana harus nyelesein tugas2 itu….1 selesai…1 datang kemudian.

But hey…just enjoy aja break ini…walo dengan kondisi yg bisa dibilang engga kalah mengenaskan…eits…not that bad though….The truth is….walo break…seperti biasa...PR banyak menumpuk….palagi sudah menjelang akhir semester…fiuhhhh…..ooohh…hidupp….sungguh penuh tantangan tiada henti…

Kadang kalo dah gini,....ngiri juga ama teman2q yg ada kelebihan rejeki dan menghabiskan waktu bersama keluarga di tengah2 suasana lebaran ini. It’s my 2nd time having ied here…so things are not as its supposed to be. Satu2nya cara tuk mendapatkan suasana ini hanyalah dengan silahturahim dna anjangsana ke rumah WNI dan muslim2 dri Negara lain disni. Walo g sama kaya d indo…but that’s the least I can do here ;)

Seminggu ya….well…in fact its 10 days for me. Agar bisa memanfaatkan waktu lebih maksimum…kali ini aku mengaturnya agar liburan ini bisa lebih kunikmati secara pribadi…as literally. Tugas2 bagaimanapun tetap harus kukerjain karena emang itulah adanya break ini. Namun demikian porsi refreshingnya aq selipkan. Aq g mau seperti break yg pertama ketika aq terlalu banyak ngerjain tugas. Jadinya malah bikin jenuh setengah mati akhirnya.

An as planned…I did some refreshments of my own. Just personally…as I wouldn’t want to spoil the calm and solitudeness that I’ve quite longed for in my hectic life here. And it did work out somehow. By planning to not think or touch assignments on the first 3-4 days of my break really cleared up my mind when I had to come back to them. Reading articles….manga and watching movies from my HDD….weeeww…it sure did defrag my mind after too much Trojan horses in the name of classes and assignments…

Asides assignments…the only thing I could moan is the fact that I’ll be working extra hours this week. Semua karena ada banyak teman2 ku anak malay yg balik kampong (ooohhh….pengennya daku pulang juga T_T). Luckily….semua main plan refreshingq dah tuntas sejauh ini…so aq g masalah hrs kerja extra. Hanya saja aq jadi harus memanfaatkan waktu luang yg tersisa tuk ngerjain tugas2ku dan belajar….must use the time.

Nevertheless….my life here is like a sunset…my time here is pretty much limited. Asuming all things are not gonna change drastically again, it would mean that these are my final times in Perth. With all I’ve done and experienced here good and bad, I just want to wrap things up neatly and tidily. But by the looks of things in the middle of this semester, gaining the same result like last term would be even quite hard. The best I can do now is to patch things up and do my best. Even though it would cause me to fade myself in the eyes of friends. It’s a risk…especially when you have high aimes for your future….often....pragmatic sacrifices are needed in order to achieve it. May Allah grany me the strength to overcome such poor heart resolutions so that I can gain my goals.

Eniwei…semoga break seminggu ini bisa memulihkan badan dan mentalku yang dah remek lahir batin selama beberapa minggu lalu…just wanna stay low for some time to relieve myself of the mundane matters that’s surrounding me. Wanna keep myself in the shadows for some time and calm myself for the next challenges that awaits me.

Disfrutando de mi tiempo de soledad ….. :)

Spring + Winter = Sprinter.....

Ketika angin berhembus....seketika aku merasa diterbangkan sang bayu...

Cucian numpuk gara2 hujan tiada henti turun membasahi bumi

Jaket hujan membuat diri berasa gundam dengan full armor.....

Ditambah hujan yang menerpa miring 45 derajat....membuat payungku sia-sia saja keberadaannya...

Jiahh...makes me wanna tuck in bed for the rest of day...

But Hey....it ain't that bad...at least you have this humid sensation...makes you feel at home in July :D

Compared to those freezing cold days...where you felt your skin had warped.

Watching the smoke that blows out of our mouth as we breath in and out.

And you had to relentlessly turn on that heater...causing a future hole on your bills due to excessive use >.<

Or even trying to getaway to some hot place to heat up the heart that has frozen...

Nevertheless...its all a process...a state of enjoying every little step and second of life...

When you look back at home where only two seasons....grateful should we be on the experience of having 4 seasons.

Though spring might start of in a wet wet manner...it's the start of springing opportunities...

The spring of forgiveness...the spring of hope....the spring of assignments >_<....the spring of vacations and the spring of joy ^^

Get lost.....

New Zealand....hmmm....a class mate is there and i wouldn't miss it for the world as it may be my last time seeing him for years to come...

Sydney...not bad....always been thinking how good it to take a photo in front of the opera house...

Melbourne...part of the tour above....i wonder which is better?

Jakarta....hate it...but gonna have to love it since i'll be working there soon :(

Yogyakarta...looking forward to spend time with my love :)

Malang...short detour and wrapping up my seasonal date with her ;)

Perth...last chance...better see those places you haven't gone to for it'll be a chance of a life time

What next.....????


Makassar....masa kota tebesar di sulawesi engga dikasih bagian...

Padang...hmmm....recommended by a friend....i wonder what's in store for me....

Anyone wanna add it...?

Krisis paruh baya....eh....paruh semester ding :P

tu wa ga pat....tu wa ga pat....tu wa ga pat....

nope2...aku engga sedang berlari kok...cuma iseng2 aja ngitung :P. intermesso sejenak ditengah tumpukan tugas kuli-ah (belagak pekerja romusha) yang semakin aneh tong sampah (baca : bin) ajaib.

Seperti biasa...aq dah expect kalo semakin mendekati akhir semester....tugas2 akan semakin banyak. Tapi ketika kupelototi kalender september dan Oktober tiba2..."WHAT??" ada suatu anomali....anomali yang membuat ku terbelakak (lebay mode)...

eniwei...the thing is..."Kok banyakan assignment due di september sih daripada oktober kaya biasanya?"Kalo diibaratkan grafik....tugas2 ku sekarang bagaikan ilustrasi normal distribution.....besar di tengah dari yang harusnya bagaikan gambar lereng gunung naik (istilahku dewe :D ).

Kekagetanku belum selesai...ternyata ketika itu...aku baru sadar bahwa sebagian besar asinan (bahasa gaul wong jogja di perth tuk assignments) itu akan due di bulan puasa...subhanallah (mending bilang gini aja daripada misuh...bisa batal puasaku ntar :P)...makin banyak komitmen neh di ramadhan...

And it proved true....minggu2 ini bener2 berat dan menantang. Butuh suatu kedewasaan dan kecersdasan emosi tuk mampu mengatur irama hidup. Gampang di kata...susah di fakta....dan sejauh ini telah cukup memberiku kamplengan di hati dan kepalaku (litterally) atas beratnya menjalani hal ini.

Especially...this week....1 (suspected) quiz....1 mid exam...1 homework...1 presentation....6000 words asinan....1 critical lit review....would anyone say...HELL??Ok....the presentation was postponed for two weeks (matur suwun gusti Allah SWT T_T). But hey...itu hanya menunda pekerjaan...sisa kerjaku...tetep bikin nggliyeng >.<

Mo refreshing....susah...namun demikian...entah kenapa kok sik iso yoh nyuri2 waktu??Seakan ada kesadaran alam bawah sadar...semakin banyak masalah semakin banyak refreshing...lho....ini mah pedoman hidupku sendiri lagi :P. Eniwei...this kinda thing did happen....malam minggu kemaren....yang harusnya bukber d konsulat...eh malah diajak makan sushi all u can eat di JAWS seharga $27.50 >:D<.

Niatnya sih narget 20 piring (berencana bangkrutin tuh JAWS >:) ). Eehhh...apa daya cuma sanggup 16 piring doang. Keluar2....berasa dah mau jackpot di jalan aja. Masih untung engga langsung pulang habis itu coz tuh makanan sempet diendapkan dengan nonton pilem (lama) nang omah konco. So....pulang2....mek kare' klenger'e thok....

Hari berganti sampe hari ujian exam tiba....sumpe....dino iku jan remek awakku. Isuk kuliah....awan'e tutorial...bengine ujuan...wes....teko2 nang omah mek kare' ampas'e tenogo :-S...

Derita berlanjut esoknya....walo udah tidur cepet...esoknya sukses bangun kesiangan...impact??gw KAGAK SAHUUURRRR :((....damn....padahal bengine wis nglilir dan setengah bangun sambil ngrogoh hp yang jatuh di kolong kasur gara2 kelempar tangan yang mo matiin alarm....walhasil....pagi itu diriku mencari sahur "batiniyah" dari "penari muda" ku :D...we made up (after some misunderstandings...oh...what a dynamic couple we are B-) ) and really felt ready to go to school :).

Daya apa....bar kuliah....mentalku ambruk (bukan berarti aku gila moro2)....dipake tuk belajar otak dah nge-hang minta di defrag. Ditambah rasa letoy akibat lewat sahur dan hawa dingin yang menusuk ulu hatiku....jadinya harus nge-scrap rencana tuk belajar di kampus dan berbuka disana...After seeing my physiothrapist....i quickly grabbed some food for the evening and sahur and got the next bus....@ home.....NGEBO!!!

And so here i am still....mentally broken though still struggling to do my asinan's little by little (boso inggris'e cicilan). Dunno if i can finish it of in a neat manner as usual...but lets just see...biasanya potensi keluar saat terdesak...i'll gamble on this :P.

So...i'll just continue my mid semester slump and feather out all the tasks one by one...

仲間 ~ Friends

Walking to the same path...we share the same dreams friends...

But life is as cruel as it it...departing us from visions we shared

Nevertheless...we keep our nexus as tight as we could...for it'll be a memento for years and forever

we laugh and we cry...all together...as if the future was never there

One falls...one lets their hand out....

One goes astray....the other reminds of their mistakes....though it's sometime tough to keep it objective

This bond is what defines us for years to come...as it would be forever in our souls

Business as Usual

Finally…the month of ramadhan has come…may we all be able to increase our prayers in this blessed month. . . 

Speaking of ramadhan…things have been hot hot cool (baca : panas2 dingin) for me lately. Yeah coz there have been a mix of things that have been happening to me lately…mentally and physically.

First things first that caught my attention this month was my kneep pain that got worst. It’s been like ….2,5 years I reckon since it first happened and the past weeks before have been quite painfull for me. Therefore…it did force me to put my use of bicycles on a hiatus. However…things didn’t improve since then…it even kinda got worst due to myself still working long hours while standing.

Such ongoing pain eventually forced me to seek a professional advice from a physiotherapist. It did turn out that there was a problem with one of my muscles that wasn’t moving as it’s supposed to be. Hence…I was taught some new exercise movements to train that muscle. Also I’ll be taping my knee and foot to help restrain my knee from being moved needless due to my activities that might cause my muscles tire too quickly. Ah yeah….compressing my knee couldn’t be left aside if I was having heavy activities….

25 seems to be the number of the month…yep…you’ve guessed it right ;)….I’m turning 25 this month. A personal milestone for me for I’m gratefull for all the things I’ve had good and bad till now. All those things have shaped myself till now and I dearly hope to be even more grateful for Allah SWT for all his blessings to come.

Though it was my 25th….didn’t mean I received heaps of wishes and congratz words…in fact…only few did send me. It doesn’t mean that I’m sad by this fact…by I somehow deliberately hide my birthday on facebook so that people would have to put more effort to notice it. And it did work…:D….the result till 3 days later on…only 10 people did congratulate me. For those who did…I reckon them as my closest friends and persons to my life. But out of all those approximately ten…the most sweetest one was obviously from my girl. She surprisingly when to all the trouble of sending me a birthday gift. Hontou ni….I should be more gratefull to Allah SWT that now I have someone that really loves and care for me…may I learne and be able to care and love her more than now for she deserves the best from me .

School???Even more distressing…especially when I remember it’s the last semester…does they have to finish it of with loads and heaps of assignments??Can’t they let me off easily (maunyaaaa :D ). Well…I guess that’s not gonna happen :P. The heat of assignments has been felt ever since the second week. And due to of that….i’ve had to scrap much of my habg out times with mates….please friends….do understand the conditions I’m in…..

And to make matters worst….the even threw the bulk of assignments on the tuition free week…just like last semester….but more painful…(since when assignments hasn’t been painful ?). So…here I’am finishing of those asses while I’m supposed to be enjoying my time.

Nevertheless, it’s business as usual….gotta stomp all those laziness in heart and march forward whatever lies in front of you….just force yourway out of boredom by exploring any means available to you so that you can get your body moving to root out all those bloody assignments in way.

With the coming of Ramadan…doesn’t mean I can use it as an excuse to not do things…I even think I should make good use of it to tighten up my loose time to do more meaningful things. Besides…it is my last ramadhan here in Perth…just make it an unforgettable one ;).

Omoi no Tenshi

Alone in the room….filled with coldness that comes to the skin


Yet you wonder weeks ago. . .where it was warmth and joy that filled your face

You grasp that mobile of yours. . .watching earnestly for that someone to say “tadaima”

Yet. . .It all ended in a wink

Days by days you walk your steps for your humble dreams

Yet. . .your steps sometimes stumble across the sheer thought of having someone to walk besides you. . .taking your hands to fulfill a dream together

It’s not an unrequited feeling. . .a lad far across the oceans holds eye sweats. . .praying. . .hoping and longing for the promised time to come again.

Nevertheless. . .hard work and honest talks are all can be done. . for it’s the one step to keep our feelings intact to one another.

Or would I rather be penniless. . .just to hear an angelic voice to soothen your dry heart ?

Cruise Control

It’s been more than a week or so here since my arrival back from home. Do I miss it…surely…all those things I had good and bad…it all can be wrapped up into one word….wonderful . But yeah…here I am to finish off one step of my life for the sake of events to come.

After a week…it sure has been some sort of a struggle to adapt to the cold weather that wea quite beyond my expectations. It turned out true that the winter this year was quite odd compared to the last time. For now…I just have to cope with it while warming up my brain for the upcoming semester.

Speaking of semesters…things have turned out quite…eerrhhmm….eeettooo….normal would it be?or would I say as expected?Anyway….the start of this semester has been according to plan. Luckily I managed to get a sneak preview of my schedules last semester. Therefore I’ve managed to plan my taken units in line and all other things accordingly. However, surprises do come up and most of them came in the form of…..yep…you guessed it….ASSignments….welcome back those aching assignments that are getting harder than ever before.

Nevertheless the hardships that would come forth…I’ve made my resolution. Since it’s my last semester…I would be pretty much naïve and dumb if I were to fall in the same hole twice. Meaning that I’ve decided to start of this semester ata running pace with all the good things from previous ones continued. Being my last…I just want to make my last mark in my life…not just a mere mark…but a memorable mark… in all ways insya Allah.

When I remember this as my last semester…I suddenly remember something this afternoon. I just received a message that a couple of my best friends (finally) were able to past their thesis tests. Despite the fact that it them quite some time to finish it, I’m just plainly delighted by this news. At last, they can move on to another phase of their lives which obviously be more challenging than ever….but hey…that’s life…c’est la vie :D

By looking at this news…it just makes me even more eager to wrap this semester in the best manner possible. Surely there’s gonna be bumps here and there….but I’ve made my mind…this is my last chance to redeem myself of my lost time back then so….there’s no turning back…do this semester as if your gonna die tomorrow…as if there is no second chance for you…and as if…your whole life is on the line….

All I pray is for Allah SWT to give me the strength to face all my life struggles and make a man who is always gratefull for all bounties in this world. . . amin 

Carees of Venus

Standing…seeing you left my legs limp…but you walked me through the start of what I longed for

Words…stuck at my throat for a while…it just melted freely with the soothing of your touch.

Hands…little I kenw those small and cold hads were actually warm enough to keep my heart warm and brighter as days pass.

Shoulders…I hope those small ones be able to support our ties for ages to come my dear

Cheeks…tender enough to make me wanna touch those softness forever.

Regardless of what you are…I yearn and long for that promised time we had together to stay firm and strong on our ties whatever stands between us….

Till that time…all I can do is relive those moments we caressed each of our heads….to soothen the pain of distance between us.

Saigo no...

Breakfast at Perth…lunch at Jakarta….dinner at Surabaya….Be’ol di Malang xP

Huehehehehe…Cuma sekedar pembuka dan pengingat bagaimana aq memulai liburan terkahirku sebagai mahasiswa aja kok :D. Dan tak terasa…bagiku tuk kembali ke Perth…For me…this vacation has many last’s to it…bukan mellow…tapi liburanku berikutnya tentunya tidak bisa lagi kunikmati dengan mindset yg sebebas ini.
Secara keseluruhan….aq bisa mengatakan puas atas liburanku kali ini. Walo tidak selama liburan kemaren, rasanya liburan kali ini bisa terlaksana secara efektif dan efisien. Demi tercapainya hal ini, tentunya aq belajar banyak dari pengalaman2 lalu tuk membuat liburan kali ini lebih bermakna…and…it worked :D

Dengan teman2…walo aq engga bisa menemui semua…tapi dengan yang bisa kutemui…rasanya bener2 nikmat dan lega mengatahui mereka semua baik2 dan sehat2…terutama mereka2 yg sedang berusaha menyelesaikan skripsi, lega mengetahui mereka bisa bener2 mulai giat (walo karena kepepet). Bagi yg lain…it’s good to hear they are also going on with their lives happily ;)

Tapi yang paling membuatku berkesan yakni pertemuanku dengan kekasihku. Walo Cuma 3 minggu…but the memories that were made would live forever. Pertemuanku dengannya…semakin memantapkan segala perasaanku dengannya…baik rasa sayang…rasa cinta dan rasa ingin melindunginya. Dan tentunya engga akan berhenti sampe itu aja….tapi akan menjadi basis bagi hal2 baik yang akan dating bagi kita berdua insya Allah di masa mendatang…demi hubungan kami berdua 

Nilai2ku??Not bad walopun asline engga memenuhi target. Namun demikian…aq tetep merasa bersyukur atas hasil2 yg ada karena jika kuingat kembali semester lalu….sungguh kacau dan bisa mendapatkan hasil seperti sekarang…again…I must consider myself lucky. But then…tetep kedepan engga boleh kuserahkan diriku pada nasib baik belaka….hasil yg baru ini harus kujadikan dasar bagi perbaikan2 demi tercapainya hasil yg lebih baik tuk semester terakhirku di Perth.

Anyway….tomorrow…I’ll be at Perth…to start again my last struggle for the final semester. May Allah SWT give me the strength to face all challenges and hindrances that comes forth to me…and keep me a gracious person towards all things you have gave to me good and bad…amin :)

To Move and Change

Ore wa saigo no vacation….hmm….g nyangka ini dah liburan terakhirku…dan ketika ku menapak tilas 2 liburanku sebelumnya….tampak jelas dimataku beberapa perbedaan antara sekarang dan dahulu.

On my first…well…berhubung mendadak…engga banyak yang bisa kulakukan. Dengan 12 hari….yang bisa kulakukan hanyalah hal2 penting (aslinya kebanyakan engga penting :P ) selama masa itu. But yeah...it felt fun…why?coz at that time…I could still meet and see some of my uni friends. Its as if…I was younger back then…unknowing that time that would be my last time to see most of them….

The next vacation…hmm….2,5 month…I though it was gonna be my best and memorable vacation….truth?it turned 180 degrees around and left me like a fool in the end. The fact that I inadequately thought on the worst case scenario caused myself to merely enjoy the ashes and ruins of what was left at that time….

And now…hmm…the sensation when I first stepped back home….it’s as if…I was thrown back months ago on my last vacation…It’s as if nothing changed…But yeah…maybe it was due to my mindset that I intended this vacation to finish of some unfinished business on myself. Not bad nevertheless though ;)

However…that sensation was only on my house…on the outside…I just felt that everything has changed…my neighbourhood…my town…my friends…I mean everything…and in the end…I just had this thought that I’m really some sort of country bumpkin from oz trapped in the jungle of Indonesia….

Hmmm…where shall we start…At first…I knew this last vacation…I shouldn’t be expecting much…especially in terms of meeting olf friends and so. But when I look at their facebook’s ….I just cannot help thinking that everyone is moving at such pace that I’m left behind…making me feel that am I really living life at its real???
I mean…while everyone is already working their asses to shape their dreams and future…I wonder to myself…what have I done until now to do such things…I know that study is already one step…but for others….i honestly feel that I lack all sorts of vital things to shape my dream….

And also one thing…the fact that I cannot again meet them freely as we did…it just feels kinda lonely…yeah..I do miss those times when we could just do all sorts of miscellaneous things without thinking….laughing and crying on anything…it just feels like yesterday….while the fact is that it seems like it’s already a distant past…

As for the town and society…is it just me or am I already feeling the sense of not being able to act Indonesian while I’m already in my home country. I mean…months ago on my vacation…I could still tolerate all sorts of mistakes and vices I encounter made by usual day Indonesians….now???I can’t let go of the feeling that they all seem so uneducated…

It’s not that I’m putting them on a lower level than me….its just that I wonder…am I able to fit in again to the Indonesian society once the time comes for me….I wonder…have I already been that used to the cleanliness and tidy routines I’ve been going through in ozzy…?It seems that I have in one way or another….

If there is one chance for me to finally mature and shape my self once and for all…I guess now is the time. Why so?coz it’s gonna be the last chance for me to reminisce on my past and think forward on what I’m gonna be and do. Not to mention…it’ll also serve as some sort of transition phase for me to say goodbye to all my nice and bitter times as a teenager…With being 25 this year…I’ve pretty much felt all sorts of things in life and I guess it is time to part with them in a good and peaceful manner.

For all those times…good and bad…please…shape myself to be a better man as time goes on…For life only comes once…It’s not worth throwing life away for doing things without consideration and thinking….
Towards the unknown future….

Walking on a Looser’s road

Hmm….finally….a vacation…after those hell of asinans (read: assignments), I really just wanted to easen my mind and refresh my body…especially when ur still in the middle of the never ending coughs…

Well…now…I really don’t care much on how my semester results when end up…All I hope is that I pass all those units so I don’t have to extend another semester. Really..it has been one horrible season this time due to the lack of planning and execution. I’ve pretty much listed most of the problems on my previous posting so it’s there for those who are curious on what my probs are about.

For some…a vacation is to relax…have fun and do miscellaneous things…For me…it’s is the same…with the exception that it also serves me the chance to prepare myself to plan and think about what I’m gonna do and achieve the next season. And lucky me…I’ve managed to get a sneak preview on my schedules next term. My first impression…still…it’s gonna be another hellish 3 month.

There is a reason why I say so. The truth is…every semester gets harder and harder. To continuously improve yourself, you just cannot rely on your past achievements. You’ve gotta think of new ideas and be more creative on how to achieve and survive the new season. Sounds easy…yeah…but to be honest…it’s in fact harder than expected…I’ve faced this one personally previously.

In short, the hard parts on the next term would be the fact that I’ll be going through the Ramadhan. In one way…it does spell good and heavy meals on Maghrib :D…..but in other words…it would also spell heavy loads of work and study on an empty stomach and cold season. Therefore…I pray to Allah SWT…please and please…let my body and mind healthy during the month of Ramadhan so I can concentrate fully on all my activities there….amin.

The other things…yep…it’s the units. The units are pretty much repetitions of past subjects I’ve done during my bachelor days. It might sound easy…but yeah…I’ve gotta do some extra reading to refresh my memories on those subject. The last thing you expect is to know nothing at the start of class….and yeah…this was one mistake I did last semester….

Next??Hmm…yeah…the next semester is also the last semester for me….After that….it’s gonna be the real world….the real thing where you throw yourself to the society to implement and test your lifetime skills that you’ve gained and built during all those years of education from toddler to postgrad.

This last fact…In one way…it does relieve me…All these years of study has pretty much bored me to the bone…so it is one welcome change…but yeah then…it also puts me on my nerves coz I feel not confident enough with my knowledge and life experience to face work and society. I just feel that I left so many chances in the past that could have added my curriculum vitae….

Speaking bout this when end me on another train of regretness…so it would be useless at this point. All I can do is to do my best to repent for my lost time and gain new and better experience to help me for my future.
Well then…it all goes back to what I’ll be facing later on…just hope I can use this last real vacation of mine to rejuvenate my body and mind so it’ll be ready for my last and final study term…amin…

Stuck

Fu…fu…fu…fu….the semester has almost ended here…and still wondering what I’m gonna do on my vacation…go back home or be freezing cold in the winter of Perth.

With myself in this study week…I can finally get my body and mind to rest for a bit after those battering assignments. Especially those two stats unit…really…they were the main nightmare of this season…flipping my brain up side down just to get a grip on this exquisite subject.

Though I’ve still got like two assignments and a exam to finish of, I can pretty much do all those on a walking pace since the due dates for both are like a week in between. That means I can prepare them carefully….hopefully :P…Heeyyyy….you’ve gotta do it…wrap the semester nicely ;)

Speaking of how this semester went…I wouldn’t say it went the best of ways as expected. In fact….I’ld say it went worse than expected. Too many factors contributed to this semesters wreckage…some latent…some were due to my ineptness.

For the latent part…I guess I’ve said it many times in previous blogs before. Sure…it did somehow affect me. But what I really hated that it consumed my time and mind early at the semester till it left me forgetting what I had to plan and prepare for this semester.

And…it proved me right…I lagged behind in terms of my performances since I couldn’t tune myself in. Aside of that…I guess I took too long of a vacation…something that I finally realized lately. Even though I lagged behind, I tried my best to plan and prepare would could still be done. Though hard…some things finally came up to face this semester.

But then…I forgot…this semester wasn’t the same as before…why?Coz you have two tution free weeks pooled together. Good?OBVIOUSLY NOT !!coz that also means your gonna have a double load of assignments on your tail to finish of during that time. And sure it did….double bill of ASS-ignments really loaded my mind leaving me without any time and chance to re-build my strength.

As the tuition week passes…there I was working my ass and getting a grip on how to untie the challenges that faced me. Also…the need to prepare the AQWA outing for the TPA kids came by. Little that I knew…at that time…something bad was coming that would cost me a month of strength.

Yeah…those two weeks passed and I somehow managed to get the PANTAT finished. Also…I somehow managed to salvage some plans to finish of this semester but then…I fell sick…and it just dragged on for a month!!First…just a normal flu…next….pollen allergy…and now….chesty coughs. Now…it has kinda relieved…but still the signs show that it can go back anytime. For the time being….I just hope that vacation comes so that I can concentrate on getting back my health.

Back to the main topic…though the 2 weeks passes…I was there again…facing even more hard core work to do….most of them courtesy of stats of course (I even made a note on this in my facebook). It couldn’t had been harder had my fellow group mates didn’t screw and be stiff headed. Really…it did cost us finally in the presentation stage. Though not slaughtered as I thought would be…still…I just thought we could have done better and patch those unneeded holes in our work. But yeah…let by gone be by gones…there’s nothing I can do.

Eventhough some results have come up…and honestly…its not as worst as expected…but the feeling that I could have done better still lingers in me. Now…all the mistakes are visible to me and it just makes me wonder…why couldn’t I realize it earlier….days…weeks…months ago. And another thing that makes me feel kinda regretfull is the fact that most of the mistakes I made this semester…technically or not…were things that I did in the past…meaning…I’ve fell in the same hole again!!!!!^%^&$^*$*^#%*#%#%

Hmm…yeah…we as humans do encounter these mistakes…given..it really is a normal thing. But why I hate it is coz that means I’m jeopardizing my chance to redeem my lost time is getting harder and harder…As for now…All I can hope is for a miracle to happen…again as what happened last semester. But still…I doubt it…coz u know…miracles only come once…that’s what I believe…

For the rest of my work…hope I can really wrap those up…as a consolation for myself…to get the best out of the worst right now….

Fallen Angels

It’s on something more…on to our nexus…bonds…one thing that has tickled me on some of my re-encounters and cross paths.

I bet…every one of us had a dream…that one dream as ayouth that we always held on…and we vowed in our hearts that we hope to fulfill those wishes…pure and idealistic wishes…till our soul departs the body…however…little we did realize that life is full of winding roads.

We made friends…acquaintances…and contacts here and there…yet…all seems to have vanished in the ashes of mundane matters.

Why I’m saying these dark yet depressed words…feelin depressed?nope…just reflecting on some that had and felt those words above years ago. And when I engage such things…I cannot help but to feel this notion of lossness and pityness towards those evaporated dreams and sacred visions.

Even though some have survived the harshness and beatings of this hellish world….still…many have been led astray…lost in the fog of worldly problems…desires and sadness…by then…I wonder…is there still a spark of light to still find again that lost hope and time…

Maybe…they left to find happiness…to escape the harshness of the dreams…to find togetherness…to seek love…or any other thing….such things cannot be blamed for we are humans who still long for such kind of things…maybe…it was our intentions that were not strong…our prayers not enough…or even…we were just playing around that time…who knows but the heavens above….

If time were to come back again…I wonder what went wrong…what was missed….what was lacked till that special light bestowed was to be lost…Nevertheless…such things won’t ever happen…just the intentions of doing so presently is what’s available for us.

For those who survived…please…stay as you are…or even soar higher….bring our fallen dreams…and do…pray for us…the fallen angels…to be able to ever revive our broken wings and redeem that forgotten hope we once together held upon. Stay alight…at the very least to be our lighthouse in this dark world.

For me and those fallen angels….

One month ago…one month later…

One month passes…we still go by those lavish dreams

Hopes rekindle…awaiting what’s to be encountered on the spears of our sights

Endless phases accompany us to the exchanges we had

And now…a turn has passed

Years ago…little was known on the future steps…

And then it turned out to be what heart couldn’t even imagine

Nevertheless…I’m happy as a bronze mileage is broken

Master Grade Gundam Plastic Models I Really want to have....

1. MG Hi-Nu Gundam

Wonder why?well...pertama-tama...nih model kit bukan didasarkan atas anime melainkan novel. Selain itu...emang dasarnya modelnya dah mbois banget dan memperlihatkan bentuk sempurna dari MS Nu-Gundam. Dipadu dengan strip warna purple...what more can you get...especially with those fin funnels at disposal :D

2. MG Unicorn Gundam

Hmm....Yang bikin nih model kit unik adalah kemampuannya tuk berubah mode dari Unicorn mode yang sekilas menampakkan kit seperti MS biasa menjadi Destroy mode. Pada mode inilah wajahg gundam-nya keliatan beserta perubahan wujud tubuhnya dimana frame2-nya bergeser menampakkan warna2 merah dari dalam frame-nya.

3. MG Ext-S Gundam

Upgrade version of the sentinel Gundam...bigger..nastier...and obviously more stronger :D. Masih bisa trasformable tentunya. Desainnya juga sangat tekninal dan berbeda dari model2 MS lainnya.

4. MG Crossbone Gundam Full Cloth

Hooo....another version of the crossbone gundam...hanya saja kali ini dengan anti beam cloth yang membuatnya lebih sangar. Perlengkapan senjatanya juga lebih lengkap. The skull design on its head makes its design look badass and unorthodox compared to other MS from any other Gundam series.

5. MG 00 Raiser Gundam

Ok..ok...ok...i know this plamo hasn't made it to the production lines...but i cannot help not to put it in my list. Why? Coz i'm simple mesmerized by its design in the anime. I believe that the MG version would be one of the awesome gundam kits out there...especially if Bandai does indeed include the GN Sword III which wasn't included in most of the kits from other grades.

Returner...

Hmm…how long has it been… that time since I said I’ld stop writing for a while…yeah…2 months I guess…Well…I can say since those two months…many things have happened small and big. Lets try to write down what has happened lately .

Anyway…I was pretty much stressed out when I said I’ld stop writing for the moment . But then, things slowly eased away. But one thing didn’t go away which was those assignments. Even now, those assignments still bother with greater intensity given that there are only less than 1 months left to the end of semester. And thinking bout those assignments, I think that I won’t be able to get those 4 HD’s I planned for… it just feels damn hard this semester… guess I’m gonna give my all even though the chances of 4 HD’s have diminished….

Life…ah…full of ups and downs…when I remembered the fact that I came back down and wanted to forget that somebody… guess what…now I’ve got one to think and care for…whew…what a turn of fate…when I remembered that I wanted to concentrate on study and work…now…I have to care for this someone that I hope to be my future wife (Insya Allah)…

Well…you might be surprised I found this person in the 2 months I didn’t write anything…well.. it’s kinda long and short of a story. As I wanted to forget and move on…she came…as we interacted, I kinda comfortable. Time passed and I spent the nights not able to forget her..days went and I thought…”yeah…this feeling came again at such short intervals”. But hey…I’ve learnt my lessons and I fully know that I’m already attracted to her. I gave it a shot and…yeah…I’ve let go of my “jomblo” status after 25 years of my life .

Obviously our relationship would have ups and downs…especially we both started of in a LDR. But…what I believe is that it isn’t the time to play around in these kind of relationships. Even though I yet have to meet her…with the interactions we’ve had…I have faith in myself that this is my one. I just need to ascertain myself. Even though she doesn’t turn out to the best of my expectations…at the very least my basic requirements have been fulfilled and that has already got myself content. We’ll just have to polish and improve ourselves as the time goes on between us.

Aside of that and studies…life has been pretty much dull. To fill in time, I tried to re live my wanna be hobby of gundam plastic model building. Since there aren’t many choices in Perth, I had to buy some online at ebay. Though I still need to finish of 2 remaining models, the 2 others have certainly decorated my room in some way.

Wallet?Ah yeah….it’s the month of sheer bankruptcy I guess. The need to buy a brand new bike has caused one hole in my savings. Couldn’t help it though since I really need a new one that had no trouble to replace my dying old bike. And thank God…My new battle hopper really lives up to my expectations. Just need to be alert o bike thieves that linger around on campus….ready to break the chains on my bike.

The other wallet meteor was the fact that I had to register IELTS. For the sake of getting a PR status after graduation, I again have to go through the pain of such tests again after two years since the last one. Just hope my English hasn’t deteriorated...why I say this is coz that even though I live in Perth in which I’m supposed to speak English, I tend to speak more Indonesian and Malay coz of my friends…not good…

What else…aha..yep…forgot to tell that me and the kids from TPA went on a trip to AQWA. It was quite the memory since we had fun with the kids and all TPA staffs together. The place itself was kinda like a mini version of Seaworld in Ancol. Nevertheless…the place was quite enjoyable…besides…you don’t get much tourist attractions in Perth so better enjoy things as it is.

Ahh…I guess that’s all for now…hope from now on I can start writing in a normal interval like before. It really turns out that writing can soothe my thoughts that have been contaminated by mundane affairs. Eniwei…c u….

新月~ New Moon

Precious moments pass, I wonder upon the starry night now

Dark…yet…you start to appear…slowly glowing my soul

Fading away all those old shadows…you enlighten and bedazzle myself

You offer laughs…smiles…and happiness…in a humble way…that even pride cannot resist

Despite so…there are things left mysterious…tempting ones heart to explore and go on a never ending voyage through the skies

Through the sparkling stars above…your light is always the brightest

As if your rays send an enchantment of songs throughout the never ending nights…keeping it warm in the middle of the upcoming snows

Though you still have more to shine in the depths of my heart…I will still be here waiting for you…the time you will shine to your fullest…to a full moon

What if....

What if…I hadn’t known u back then…would my heart stay as cold as before?

What if…I wasn’t bedazzled by u back then…would my 1st still be in my mind forever?

What if...we hadn’t interacted too much…would we still have words to discuss now?

What if…you didn’t call me that night…would I wonder how nice to hear your sound?

What if…I didn’t go back too quick…would you still feel lonely by yourself that time?

What if…we didn’t have some force majeur…would we still think positively on each other?

What if…the sacred time didn’t come…we still maintain that ongoing pace that would look so quick?

What if…u didn’t send me that note…would I still be hoping for that promise that I thought was a joke?

What if…u weren’e intrenched by your duties…would u have time to just say hello to me?

What if…I wasn’t engulfed in solitudeness…would u still have a flowing conversation with me?

What if u didn’t tell me your past…would I then had the courage to say…”daisuki” ?

What if we didn’t get to see each other back then…would that mean there’s still a chance?or do I just have to consider myself foolish and unlucky again?

What if…we were to cross paths some day one day…would we be able to recognize each other?

What if…what if…what if…Wallahualam bis shawab….

Happily young or rot older ?

Haha…biar kutebak…pasti mikir arti judul tulisan ini apa hehehehe :p


Eniwei…segalanya bermulai pada sabtu pagi nan indah di butcher dimana aq bekerja. Semua berjalan dull seperti biasa…terutama karena belum padatnya kerja pagi itu….dan ketika kusedang menghayati memotong lapisan daging demi daging …eh…bos gw nnya…”tok…bagaimana pendapatmu tentang pasangan yang menikah muda…?setuju engga?”. Jujur aja…gw kaget pagi2 ditanyain pertanyaan berat macam itu. Bukannya gw sendiri engga pernah bicara masalah ini atau apa…Cuma gw emang secara pribadi sampe saat ini menghindari aja isu macem ini yg bagi gw agak2 “sensi”

Eniwei…mauku sih mengelak jawaban ini…but yeah…my bos insisted on me answering yes or no…Oh crap…now I’m in some sort of awkward position…Eniwei…I just answered..mostly no…hehe…now here where things get interested. She asked why I didn’t agree..?kujawab…karena kalo menikah muda..bagaimana anda akan menghidupi keluarga…bos gw jawab …”ya orang tua masing2 lah..”….gw pun reply…”okelah kalo begitu…masalahnya…sangat jarang ditemukan orang tua yang semacam itu”
Dan berikutnya kukekmukakan alasanku bahwa ketika 2 insan telah menikah…pada hakikatnya ortu sudah tidak bertanggung jawab atas mereka (terutama secara keuangan)…but then…my bos said…”lho…kenapa harus tidak lagi bertanggung jawab?”…now…this is where I suddenly felt checkmate :P…

Pembicaraan selanjutnya yakni bos-ku ngomong bahwa di dunia sekarang ini…dalah mengapa menikah muda bener2 dipermasalahkan padahal anak2 sekarang secara fisik tumbuh dewasa secara cepet…which also means that they are physically mature (especially in terms of sex). But then…just coz of not financially ready…then many people decide to not or at least postpone marriage. Until this…she did hae a point…

And then…bos ku bilang mengapa ada pandangan bahwa ketika anak sudah menikah dikatakan bahwa tanggung jawab ortu putus..itu lebih dikarenakan alasan budaya doang…dan ketika kuberpikir sampe point itu…gw juga inget…apa ada dalil ayat baik di al-qur’an atopun hadist-lah yang mengatakan bahwa ortu tidak lagi bertanggung jawab atas anak2nya (especially financially) ketika mereka2 sudah menikah?engga ada deh rasanya…:P

But I tried to refute by saying that once married, a man has the responsibility to feed the family or in other words…work. Till here…we both agreed. Tapi bosku menambahkan…betul emang demikian…tapi faktanya seringkali hal ini menyebabkan anak2 muda takut untuk menikah hanya karena alasan kerja…kerja…dan kerja. Kalopun sudah kerjapun…masih banyak dijumpai para bujang yang tidak mau menikah…alasannya….yg lom mapan lah yg itu lah dan 1001 alesan lainnya.

That was one fact that I couldn’t deny…even 4 myself. Another fact that my bos stated was about bagaimana para bujang harus seringkali menempuh pendidikan tinggi (sampe S2) dan pada saat yang bersamaan harus menekan gejolak naluri biologi terhadap lawan jenis di tengah gempuran keterbukaan aurat disana sini yang dah bener “syaithannirajimmmm” (istilah gw sendiri :D ). Dia menambahkan…apa para bujang2 perlu menunggu utk lulus utk kemudian kerja trus baru nikah?Can’t just both the parents help out at least with the funding of their education while still maintaining their marriage?Must it be education…or work that separates two loving people from being married to each other?

Up till this point…I couldn’t say more…What my boss said was in fact all the most true…Kenyataan (atau mungkin tatanan masyarakat) seringkali harus kejam terhadap para bujang2 (dan perawan2 maybe :D ). But my boss put more emphasis on parents nowadays…why do they have to require their kids to graduate and get a job (for boys) before getting married?Can’t they help and play their part in helping young married couple by soothing their financial distress (especially when they both have to undergo uni 1st).

Mendengar omongan itu…aq juga jadi berpikir…alangkah baiknya jika semua orang tua bisa seperti yang didambakan bos gw. Kadang gw juga mikir…anak2 jaman sekarang emang cepet banget dewasa secara fisik. Dan tentunya hal ini juga membawa konsekuensi hasrat penyaluran nafsu seksual juga pada puncak2nya. Namun ya itu dia…selalu harus tertekan karena menyelesaikan skul/kul :-S

Selama hidupku pun aq pernah mendapati teman2q nikah muda dan alhamdulillah ortu mereka masih mau at least membiayai dari segi uang kul…beberapa bahkan masih ngasih uang saku ;) (ooohh…how lucky they are…). But in regards to them being married…I do notice some differences after they got married…something which me and my boss agreed on…they in certain ways…become mentally more mature in doing and facing life. I don’t know why…but I guess it’s coz of their binding commitment of marriage that makes them (even unconsciously) to do so.

Oh well…walo kita berharap ortu2 sekalin mau melakukan hal seperti yang diangankan bos gw…that’s life…changing such kind of thought frame is gonna take time. But I also like to add something from my POV concerning this matter. Just to add up things of what I’ve written down here ;)

Sebanyak apapun kita berharap agar ortu2 mau seperti itu…nyatanya juga bahwa anak2 sekarang walo dewasa secara fisik..tapi hamper kebanyak masih belum dewasa secara pikiran…alias masih berpikir kekanak-kanakan. So…How can we demand for parents to fulfill such wish if we even cannot prove to them that we are also mature in terms of mental and mind?

But then…it’s not us who’s completely us at fault here for being not mature in terms of mind. Tetapi system pendidikan kita yang juga berperan kita dalam membentuk pribadi yang tidak akan pernah siap secara mental. Untuk dapet dikatakan siap…bagiku kita harus secara awal dihadapkan pada kenyataan hidup dalam pendidikan kita agar kita dapat segera terjun ke masyarakat dan berpartisipasi…tapi faktanya sekarang?Kita dikungkung oleh berbagai jenjang pendidikan yang kebanyakan mengajarkan teori belaka yang kemudian membuat kita akan kagok ½ hidup sewaktu2 kita engga lagi bersekolah…why? Coz they haven’t taught us anything on how to survive in such time and age. They just teach us on how to make ourselves dependant on out parents (financially especially).

Eniwei…akan sangat bahagia andaikata kita bisa mendapatkan nikmat macem yang telah dirasakan oleh teman2 yang beruntung diatas. Tetapi kita juga harus memainkan peran kita bahwa kita juga telah sanggup bersikap dan berpikir secara dewasa aja, jangan Cuma dewasa fisik doang :D. Oh yeah….the current social system juga harus berperan dalam membentuk insan2 yang lebih mampu survive dalam usia muda dan tidak hanya membuat kita bergantung ama ortu aja…so…3 pihak inilah yang harus berperan kedepannya ;)

PS : For those lucky friends of mine out there…may Allah SWT bless u for able to fulfill half of your diens at such a young age ;)…hontou ni…INVU

Soulless

Lost…soulless…even though skyscrapers plundge high to the heavens…

Filthy rich…still…a piece of light dims away

Laughs…hurrays...and cheers…nevertheless…they stay dull

Struggling to live…yet at the same time it’s just a mere event of drowning in the
depths of hell

Without the heavenly light…mundane would it be forever without any sacred benefits

And still…people flock year by years…searching for that better life…yet…is it worth it?

Risking our light and pride…sometimes…we can only tell when it’s only too late….

Would the hopes be true eventually…nonetheless…we live as bubbles in the ocean…unaware of what we can do…

Leaving us astray by that sweet but deadly warmth….

Forgiveness and consciouness is all I ask…to go through the times till the promised is fulfilled

Dareka

Coridor…pale yet warmth…at a verge of a cliff

However….eyes gazed at a dim light at the end

Closer it came…bedazzled I was

Sacred from its start, shockingly revealing its boundaries not even allowed

In awe….wondering who and why now

Knewing it would be an end…you came closer shouting out that hidden urge of closeness…

Embracing…as if time stood still…drops fell…

Happy as I was…still…in the silence of grasping things

Suddenly…you raised your face…showing me what’s supposed to be something for the dialogues to come

Losing my time…words of promise exchanged…vowing to wait each other despite all odds

Overwhelmed by it…nevertheless…I overlooked how I was supposed to address….the one with a sweet and tender smile

Even though…it all was nice…despite an unknown promise to whom I should fulfill it….

1 Month After

Kembalilah diriku menulis blog ini setelah agak lama tidak menulis...well not really. Selama selang waktu itu, sebetulnya ada beberapa notes yang tela kutuangkan di facebook, aslinya itu juga gara2 blm keinstall Office d laptop, jadinya langsung aja ketulis di facebok.

1 bulan sejak kukembali...well..almost sih. Selama 1 bulan setelah kembali dari Indo, banyak hal2 yang kembali kualami. Tetapi lebih banyak hal baru yang kualami selama 1 bulan ini. Terlepas dari baru ato engganya...yang pasti semua itu telah membuatku berpikir akan suatu hal.

Pikiran pertama ketika kukembali ke perth adalah kembali lagi memulai rutinitas normal yang biasa kujalani. Pertama kerja, luckily I managed to get myself tuned without any setbacks. Secara fisik, alhamdulillah engga berubah banyak. Untungnya selama liburan aku senantiasa menjaga kondisi fisikku (walo ujung2nya balik ke perth nambah 1 kilo :P)

But then...there came study. Hal yang menjadi tujuan utamaku dsini ternyata tidak semgampang yang kubayangkan. Twists and turns here and there menjadikan semester ini menjadi JAAAAUUUUUHHHHH lebih susah daripada semester2 sebelumnya. Even though i can use my past experience to get my self geared up quicker, life just won't be the same again.

And also, it's not only studies that's occupying my mind, it's also the fact that I'm in my last year here.Meaning?I have to get a grip on the reality that I'm gonna face later..which is finding a job. Despite the fact that I've always yearned to work overseas (regardless of critics and cynical views from my friends), it just seems difficult when I look back at my past facts. The fact that I have no work experience what so ever in accounting, no PR status, and all other stuffs, just seems to sum up in my head, making me anxious on how to face this future of mine.

Ok...honestly, I've somehow got a grip on what to do on this part. It's all coz I thought that I've just gotta do the things that lead to it. Despite the long and hard road ahead, that's the path I ave chosen and engraved to my self...3,5 years ago.

Relationship...oh no...please. But honestly, as a normal guy..who doesn't want to have a close relationship with the opposite sex?However, I was always a sucker for these kinda things...and it seems to be going on. My past experience over the last vacation has taught me some good lessons concerning this. However, constant dreams coming makes me always loose my cool to face this bothering situation. I'ld like to follow those dreams..but yet...after I think again...I don't deserve it...at least for now...therefor...it seems I'm gonna have to endure the loneliness huh ....

Loneliness..?yeah...speaking of that...it sure does reminds me of that fateful day....3,5 years ago. And when I relate it to now...it just all adds up and make sense. Though painful....but what I've thought back then would be how I'll be and should be doing things. And it certainly does help to save myself that is becoming weak hearted.

Why I chose that path back then...?Nothing more and nothing less to redeem myself from my lost times. That's wy I'm here...to retrieve it back...Therefor...cold minded...cold hearted are just some of the qualities I need to execute my dreams back then and get back my lost time. It's obviously gonna be painfull...not to mention lonely...but I believe that's the fate I have to shoulder.

This might be my last blog for the next couple of time ahead. NO blogs...and no notes....so no boring reading anymore for all u readers. And do not expect any lame poets again (sorry for the promised poet that I'ld like to give u a look). Even though I will be making any...it'll be for private consumption only since names are gonna be in it....don't wanna stir any troubles with saying names :P

Sayonara...minna...

Back to Foreverness

Aaaahhhhh….akhirnya….back to perth….setelah 2,5 bulan ku pulangkan jiwa dan ragaku ke tanah airku Indonesia…kembali diriku harus go bek tu perth demi meraih cita2ku :P
How was my vacation?Seperti permen nano nano…rame banget rasanya liburanku….semuanya bisa dikatakan kualami…senang (pastinya ini lebih banyak :P), susah (susah karena hal2 GJ) dan sedih…lho kok sedih?ada ajah deeehhh:p…tapi pastinya ini juga melengkapi liburanq menjadi suatu liburan yang member hikmah yang banyak bagi diriku.

Awal2nya kupikir 2,5 bulan bisa bener2 kugunakan tuk hal2 yang sesuai jadwal…ternyata engga….2 minggu pertama….pengennya relax do nothing…malah selama 2 minggu ini ku masih diserang jetlag. Jadinya bawaanku ngantuk cepat…padahal masih jam 9 malam . The next couple of weeks I tried to start enjoying things as I planned. But yeah…kita merencanakan..Allah berkehendak lain….ternyata hidup engga seindah impian he..he..he..:P

But then…life still goes on…After a month there…I finally did what others say a real vacation. Artine jalan2 ke luar menikmati liburan dan engga hanya diem aja di rumah. Palembang, Bandung, Jakarta dan Surabaya menjadi sasaran jalan2ku…maklumlah…malang sendiri isinya cuma itu2 aja, jadinya pengennya mengenal tempat2 lain:P. Khusus tuk Palembang….walo Cuma 2 hari aja…it was quite worth it…menikmati bagaimana rasanya pulau Sumatra dan wisata kulinernya;). For Bandung?He..he..he..palagi kalo engga hunting baju2 bagus nan murah ;). Habisnya….baju2 di perth mahalnya minta mati…ntar kalo diriku engga punya baju masa diriku mau telanjang di perth?maybe aman2 aja sih :p…tapi entar diriku bisa ditangkap polisi Indo atas tuduhan pelanggaran UU Pornografi (emang bisa polisi indo nangkepin orang di perth ?).

The last month of my visit there was simply a bit plain. Cuma berusaha menikmati liburan apa adanya:P. But it still gave me the best memories and impression needed to refill my spirit for the upcoming semester. If there is one thing I still regret is not being able to meet all my friends for one last time before going back. However, I’ve predicted this so it didn’t leave me that disappointed though .
And here I am then…back to foreverness. U might wonder why I say foreverness?Well…it’s just that I always reminisce back to last year when I first came to perth. Left alone a month prior the start of studies was one of the loneliest times in my life. With the summer heat that was strikingly hot, the cloudless blue skies and the tree leaves that didn’t even move…it just felt like it would stay like that forever…especially when the day is long during summer. But yeah the again…that was a year ago. Now?Its obviously much more better. At least I know what to do and who to contact know even after 2,5 months leaving perth.

Nevertheless, the 2,5 months did somehow leave some unexpected excess on me…for example…I seem to having difficulties on speaking good and proper English. If before I could just speak without even have to think what I wanna speak…now its like I’ve gotta think first before saying something…crap…this really isn’t good news. This means that I might have trouble when I face the customers on my work .

Study?well….I do hope I haven’t lost the sensation of how to study properly and effectively. With a target of 4 High Distinctions (Ya Allah…berikanlah hambaMU ini kekuatan tuk meraihnya), I’m gonna have to put everything I have to achieve it. Of course with more effort and sacrifices than ever before. Its gonna be one hell of a semester for the next couple of months….

Therefor…despite the ups and downs I’ve had over the past 2,5 months…I’m gonna have to leave it behind and look forward to the next semester. Put aside all your troubles, worries and despair to concentrate on what u’ve planned and aimed for. For the next semester…ganbatte kudasai ne ….matta ne ;)

Un-said

Un-said memories…un-said words…un-said thoughts…un-said emotions…un-said times…un-said heart…un-said minds…un-said promises…un-said dreams…un-said ties…un-said masks…un-said fatamorganas…un-said passion…un-said tears…un-said wishes…un-said aspirations…un-said forever it will be…

Light in the midst of rain

For once….I thought rain was something to be accepted with disdain…for it did ceased the rays to come.

For a moment…I felt that rain was to accepted with bitterness and displeasure….for it caused a mind to go astray.

For a second…the rain that poured like cats and dogs almost caused a flood of eye sweat so sour that it even caused blindness.

For a while…I thought rain would make time to stop as it is…in a merciless manner depriving us from desires.

Yet so…a distinct ray comes passing through…enlightening the losts of any despair.

Certainly…a revelation seems approaching the dusk of times…reaching the bottom of foreverness to purify lust.

With the time that suddenly continued…its as if seven outlooks drop by and offer us a glimpse of whats to come.

Look ever forward beyond the mists of eternity and grasp that rock steady dream you’ve defined on the start...for it shall bear the fruits to countless bounties that can never be counted...

Embrace

Everyone has something they dear and long…however…do we have the ultimate power to make that true?

Sometimes we wait years and ages for something to happen and come…yet….did it came to truth?

We always have that precious thing we yearn of…nevertheless…did we ever receive that very thing?

For that everything we once dreamed of….still…do we now hold on o those dreams we once felt so?

The lasting feelings and thought I had for those days….however….has it ever had its effect on the miserable days we now live?

Timeless days and night that come and go….despite so….can we shoulder the coldness that slowly lurks in our spine?

Blindless paths we go…however…did we forsee the ultimate things that we had to remember for life?

Lost roads to forever….can we grasp what we’ve longed deep in our hearts….covered sinfully by mud?

For all we had….for all we felt….for everything we done….can we ever peacefully embrace the things good and bad?

If black and white was what we had to go through….then….can we ever calmly accept our preceding times?

The blues of memories we concluded…is it that tough to be ever erased for the good of the imminent steps?

Even so…with all that’s forthcoming…still…embracing the blacks and white is what we gruesomely go on and on till darkness or light awaits us…..

Some Things That Tickle Me....

Ketika ku menyusuri kota….terlihat hamparan hutan beton kokoh sekaligus angkuh berdiri tegap memenuhi ruang negeri. Kukatakan angkuh karena hanya beberapa meter disekitarnya terdapat gubuk dan lapak2 reot berpenghuni pekerja yang mengadu nasib di kota nan ganas itu.

Ketika ku melihat orang-orang…tampaklah wajah-wajah kuyu nan letih termakan hari. Berjalan dan berdiri lesu dan lelah akibat tergerus perjuangan demi meraih sesuap nasi….demi meraih gaji…demi meraih impian hidup….
Ketika kunaiki mobil….terkaget aku oleh tiadanya sopan santun. Sikap semauku yang sewaktu-waktu bisa mengundang malaikat maut bagi yang memang waktunya telah tiba. Hamparan kereta besi disetiap sudut tempat tidak bisa dituruti oleh cukupnya jalan untuk memenuhi ke-egoisan itu.

Ketika ku berjalan di mall….terkesima kumelihat gemerlapnya hiburan orang kota yang serba lengkap dan mewah. Namun demikian….mengapa seakan aku mendapati adanya suatu kehampaan dari setiap senyum dan ketawa mereka….senyum dan ketawa yang seakan menyiratkan suatu dahaga akan suatu naturalism hidup yang sudah langka di kefanaan ini…

Ketika kubelanja ke pasar-pasar….tertegun aku menatap orang2 yang berusaha keras hidup halal. Hanya saja…usaha jernih mereka seakan tertelan oleh ganasnya kapitalisme dunia yang tidak pernah memihak mereka2 ini…hanya mereka2 yang bermodalkan banyaknya kertas tanpa nilai intrinsik….

Ketika kumenunggu lampu hijau di perempatan….tersilap diriku mendapati banyaknya anak2 kecil mengamen pada masa ketika mereka harusnya menikmati indahnya masa kanak2 mereka….Tertegun ku menatap pengemis dengan serba-serbi efek yang mereka pakai…demi mengesankan kondisi hanya tuk setelapak cepek-an dari jiwa2 dibalik kaca….

Sungguh…apakah hanya diriku yang terlalu merasa peka…atau memang dunia itu sungguh merupakan suatu realita kelam negeri ini yang menjadi wajah di mata para tamunya?Sebegitu pentingkah materi dan glamor sehingga merasa perlu mengenakan topeng-topeng penutup dan pembeku hati dari ancaman yang dapat mengganggu mengalirnya hal2 tadi?

Jika bukan diriku yang terlalu sensitif, maka pecahkanlah Ya Allah Ya Rabb…topeng2 jiwa mereka agar dapat melihat dan merasakan pekatnya kefanaan yang sedang mereka rasakan…agar sedikit saja mereka dapat tersadar dari betapa semunya hal2 yang mereka rasakan….agar sedikit saja mereka dapat memahami butuhnya jiwa dalam hidup…

New Habits

Back again...kali tetep melanjutkan Tour de Indonesia ku (setelah rehat bentar ke Ngalam tercinta). Asline sih g bisa dikatakan tour de Indonesia...lha wong yang disinggahi ya cuma kota2 di jawa doang. Paling diluar itu ya cuma ke Palembang kaya tempo hari...mungkin kalo dicari istilah yang lebih tepat ya Tour de Jawa via Palembang (meminjam istilah Tour-nya laruku:P).

Anyway, dengan sisa waktuku dsini, aku sendiri sedang berusaha memampatkan kegiatan2ku. Bisa dikatakan 80% bisa kuselesaikan dalam waktu seminggu di ngalam barusan. The rest...still ongoing:P. Dengan kegiatanku memampatkan keperluan2ku, maka tentu ada beberapa hal yang harus kukorbankan...mainly my habit of reading manga and watching anime’s.

Bicara masalah anime dan manga, entah mengapa tapi sudah beberapa bulan ini ku rasakan suatu kejenuhan luar biasa. Awalnya kupikir cuma kejenuhan sesaat akibat bentuk hiburan satu2nya ku di perth yang kering hiburan batiniyah (yang beres tentunya). Tapi setelah menginjak bumi Indo tercinta, kejenuhan itu bahkan berlanjut sampai tingkat2 yang kupikir sendiri agak aneh....

Di Indo, aku malah lebih hanyut membaca buku...yup....buku....Not the ones with graphic pictures in it...but those with plain and complete text in it. Suatu hal yang dahulu kala merupakan kegiatan langka kulakukan malah sekarang aku sangat terhanyut membaca buku...??Bukannya aku sama sekali engga baca manga...tapi entah mengapa aku seudah merasakan suatu kejenuhan dan hilangnya kenikmatan membacanya. Apakah ini suatu titik nadir perjalanan nge-manga selama ini dan mulai memasuki suatu fase hidup yang baru??

Anime...nasib yang sama dengan manga. Tapi paling engga ada sedikit kenikmatan tersisa...terutama dari judul2 lawas macam Gundam dan Macross. Niatku untuk pensiun dari dunia anime pun rasanya engga bisa dibilang sempurna nantinya coz pastinya dua judul tadi engga bakal ada matinya:P. But at least...aku bisa mengonsentrasikan pikiran...waktu....dan BANDWITH INTERNET-ku (I do have to admit this:D) untuk hal2 lain yang lebih berguna daripada belain donlot anime mulu. So...from now on...I’m gonna have to say “Au revoir” to anime....unless in the future there’re anime’s such as Code Geass and Fullmetal Alchemist (two best anime’s that have had my attention ;))

Nevertheless...with my age going older and younger...ooppss...I mean older :P, a change of habit would be normal for me as I hope to mature myself. However, I do hope that I don’t forget the sensation those two things have given to me over the times. I hope my new habits can further give me more fun but also shape my matureness in facing life:D

Ah yeah....there’s still one habit that hasn’t changed from me...what’s that???Yup...you’ve guessed it....main winning eleven:P. Yang ini bukannya engga bisa...tapi dengan bermain ini saja ada unsur2 silahturahim coz kita bermain at least ama teman. Dan ketika memainkannya pun kita juga akan berbicara ngalor ngidul. Bisa diibaratkan main WE aka Playstation itu sama dengan para esmud estu (eksekutip tua:D) main golf :D. So...bisa jadi selama aku belum kerja dan jadi esmud (moga2 engga estu)...playstation and Winning Eleven bakal terus kulakoni B-). Who knows....ada temen2 kantor ato atasan yang lebih demen main winning eleven daripada harus panas2an main golf. Kalo emang tuk urusan bisnis, kan bisa dilakukan di ruangan ber-AC, main Winning Eleven sambil menyeruput moccacino (minuman pengantar WE-ku selama 5 taon:D) dan sekaligus membicarakan kontrak2 bisnis penting he..he..he..semoga aja entar bisa kaya gitu:P...amin

So...begitulah atarashi habit-ku:P. Dengan demikian....maka masih banyak buku2 yang harus kuselesaikan dalam sisa liburanku....semoga bisa kulakukan...SEMANGAT YEAH!!!!!

Ooopsss....I did it Again....

Liburanku tinggal 1 bulan lagi...dan aku merasa belum ngapa2in...tidaakkkk?!

Well...engga separah itu sih....hanya saja aku jadinya harus memadatkan seluruh jadwal dan kegiatan2ku dalam sisa waktuku. Bukannya aq dari kemaren2 engga bisa...hanya saja banyak yang membuatku engga bisa:P.....Dari lebatnya hujan yang membuat badan malas setengah hidup tuk kluar.....menjalankan kewajiban sebagai anak yang baik mengantarkan ibunya ketika berada di malang.....harus rebutan mobil akibat tumpleknya rumahku dengan pria2 dewasa yang merasa kebutuhan egonya harus disalurkan dengan memanfaatkan mobil sebagai saran transportasi yang nyaman, lega dan prestise (aku....adikku...dan ayahku:D)

Namun demikian...aku jadi ngerasa liburanku jadi bener2 bermanfaat dan berkesan coz bener2 bsa melakukan hal2 yang penting....walo harus sedikit pontang panting ngatur schedule (maklum....orang sibuk ^^;). Untungnya....sejauh ini semua masih bisa kuatasi....Paling2 yang susah ya ketika ada yang ngajak ketemuan....nah susahnya tuh ngajak2 temen2 yang lain tuk meluangkan waktu mereka tuk sekedar reunian:P.

As bout my title...well...first of all....I do hope no one in my family reads this posting...if not....I’m bound to be grounded..... (noleh kanan kiri njaga ada anggota keluarga yang mbaca ini engga...). Dimulai pada suatu malam ketika cak yusuf main ke kota asalnya (walo asline lair nang ozzy:P). Arek’e ngejak billiard....yazu...janji ketemuan di The Loft-nya MATOS. Meluncurlah aq kesana setelah dari somad. Berhubung blm tau ke MATOS malam terutama ke tempat biliardnya...aq tnya ke satpamnya....”Pak...klo ke The Loft parker dimana?”....”Parkir di tempat paling atas....ntar ada pintu belakang kesana”.....Then I went up to park my car....

Dari sini segalanya bermula....dimulai gara2 aq kurang berbelok ngambil sudut tuk parkir....jadinya pas masuk ke tempat parkir agak mepet....aslinya sih dah masuk....Cuma disisi sebelah kananku agak mepet. So aku putuskan tuk menyesuaikan posisi mobil dengan sedikit geser kanan geser kiri (emangnya duduk di angkot?)....Tiba2 pas sedang penyesuaian posisi itu terdengar bunyi “......SRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKK............”

Seketika aq sadar dan berkata dalam hati...”Ooooppppss......I did it again.....”...malam itu aku kembali sukses memberet sisi mobilq dengan pasak tiang....Sempet panik....tapi kucoba tuk cari posisi parkir secepatnya. Habis itu aq kluar tuk ngecek seberapa parah beretnya. Berhubung malam itu gelap (emang ada malam yang terang???) aku mendapati hanya setitik noda di pintu kanan. Oh well....g parah2 amet pikirku....So....Then I spent the night playing billiard di MATOS (walo asline ra iso dan kalah dibantai ma cak Yusuf :P).

Namun demikian...masalahku belum slsai rupanya....Sesampainya di rumah....kembali kucek kondisi mobil. Kali ini dibawah guyuran sinar lampu yang melimpah dari lampu garasi gw....dan kudapati....”Aarrrrrrrrgggghhhhh......besetnya gede juga!!!!!!!!”. Emang....kalo diliat dari jauh (dari Hong Kong trutama :P)....Engga bakal kliatan..eh...bgtu kalo dilliat dari deket (pake mikroskop apalagi)...ternyata gede :((....Seketika aku berpikir....bakal ilang sekitar ½ juta tuk mbenerin beset di mobil....dan ternyata bener pas kucoba tanyakan ke bengkel mobil besoknya.....:(

Walhasil.....kesimpulannya adalah berhati2 ketika mo parkir mobil...apalagi di mall indo yang notabene tempat parkirnya super sempit....apa emang aku-nya kali yang blm ahli???Ah....who knows....Eniwei...harus buruan mbenerin tuh mobil....sebelum ada yang tahu....sebelum ada kluargaku yang ngebaca blog ini................dan semoga sisa liburanku terbebas dari musibah mobil beret lagi....Amin

僕の未来は

I took my time…and I’ve finally got glimpse of everything…..of things I need to do….and things I wanna do…

It might seem quick…but for me it seemed like forever…it doesn’t mean that I’m finished yet…its just that I’m on it now….

Thanks for the comments on the previous two blogs before….seemed depressing?Sure did….:P, However…It looks like I can look at a new perspective….while of course working on it though…

I’ve been getting a lot of advice from friends here and there. But there were advice from two people….One said….life is full of hindrances here and there and our age as our time to use it wisely to aime for our goal. Sadness is just part of everything in our life and we shall bear the fruits of our efforts if we succeed insya Allah….

Honestly….this one striked me deeply…for I never thought this friend of mine would say these words…as if this friend of mine they what I was going through….as if my mind and heart could be read by my friend of mine….Nevertheless…I’m gratefull for the precious advice my friend has given me….eventhough there still lies some irony behind that advice that came to me….

The other was when chatted with a long friend of mine….It just all turned out that he was nearly also in the same condition as what I was going through….therefor…I got some valuable support and advice on how to go through my problems….
With everything that came….what I’m doing now is to put everything I’ve learnt and got into motion that is. Not easy obviously but its worth the effort….the effort to rebuild everything I need to make a brand new me that is ready to face new and neverending challenges when I get back to Perth.

With my time left in Indonesia…I also need to use it preciously. If the 1st thirds of my vacation was for myself….I guess the last two thirds would be for my family and my friends. With all this, I’m planning to go through everything that has made me to…some kind of requiem for me….to remind me of my roots that would eventually encourage and motivate me.

As for now…I’m bored with the illusions Ive felt these past couple of months….its time to face reality and keep my feet firm on the ground. I’m still keeping my whole dreams intact…just only approaching it with more caution.
Endnote….Even though I cannot fulfil one promise…I’ve found something more important…俺の夢が…俺の明日…俺の未来は

Paradoxism

Hape-nya Blackberry…tapi providernya prabayar…

Mobilnya Jaguar….tapi itu aslinya punya majikannya…:P

Gelarnya professor….tapi hasil beli di sebuah lembaga pendidikan….

Ngakunya mahasiswa….tapi kerjaannya demo anarkis….

Katanya pelayan sipil….tapi jam 2 siang kantor dah sepi….

Katanya nyari utang luar negeri….tapi ke tempat perundingan naik limusin…

Ngomongnya sih minjem tuk modalin usaha….tapi nyatanya tuk beliin anaknya mobil baru…

Ngakunya bisa bela diri….bisanya jurus seribu langkah doang….:D

Bilangnya nggarap skripsi sendiri….aslinya dikerjain di tempat pengerjaan skripsi instan….

Ngakunya kita bangsa yang sungkan….padahal yang bener tuh sungguh mengharapkan….

Ngomongnya engga sex bebas….ternyata di kos-kos-an mainnya gaya WoT….:P

Ngakunya engga ada duit buat bayar ganti rugi….engga tahunya nongol sebagai orang terkaya di Indonesia….

Ngomongnya cinta sampai mati….ternyata bulan depan dah di pengadilan agama….

Katanya cinta produk dalam negeri….engga tahunya belanja di Orchard Road….:P

Ngomongnya gede mau jadi penegak keadilan….eh pas muda-nya malah jadi pencekik
botol….

Bilangnya sih otot gede gara2 banyak olahraga….eh dibelakang minumnya steroid mulu…..

Ngomong ke istri nikahnya pake duit sendiri….padahal aslinya duit hasil suap :P….

Andai Hidup Semudah Game....

Menata kota itu semudah bermain SIM CITY….

Menata orang itu semudah bermain THE SIMS….

Memanage sepakbola semudah bermain Football Manager….

Bermain sepakbola semudah bermain Winning Eleven….

Menumpas teroris semudah bermain Counter Strike….

Bermain balapan jalanan semudah bermain Need For Speed….

Pergaulan sosial semudah bermain Ragnarok Online….

Serunya hidup bagaikan di dunia Final Fantasy….

Serunya berperang layaknya di Medal of Honour….

Penakhlukan suatu negeri semudah bermain Age of Empires….

Pengembangan suatu peradaban semudah Civilization….

Bermain golf semudah main PangYa….

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Mungkin hidup bakal lebih seru dan sempurna kali ya:P….?

Negeri Salah Urus....

Mall sana sini....emangnya kita disuruh belanja mulu???

Mobil sana sini....tidak adakah upaya memajaki mereka demi sebuah transportasi publik yang layak dan murah???

Kerusuhan sepakbola....kapan mau ke piala dunia kalo kaya gini mulu....

Wakil rakyat ketangkap menerima suap....upaya memperoleh pemasukan setelah uang habis tuk meraih kursi parlemen....

Pengemis palsu dimana-mana....efek visualnya ngalah-ngalahin ahli2 d Hollywood sono....dan juga....kapan kita tahu sedekah dan zakat kita tepat sasaran...???

Pendidikan mahal.....kapan pendidikan jadi memerdekakan kita kalo mo skul aja mahalnya minta mati....

Penggrebekan sana sini...bukti arah pembangunan negeri ini tidak dirumuskan bersama dan berpihak pada wong cilik....

Larinya Sumber daya alam kita.....bukti tergadainya harga diri negeri kepada pihak asing demi suatu kata “pembangunan”

Tidak mau kembalinya pakar2 ahli Indonesia dari LN.....karena negerinya sendiri tidak sanggup menyediakan dana dan fasilitas memadai untuk mengembangkan keilmuan mereka...

2 F-16...2 F-5...2 Su-27 dan 2 Su-30 MKI.....Singapura aja bisa dengan mudah ngacak-ngacak wilayah udara kita....

Pasien salah diagnosa....bukti betapa dokter2 serampangan dalam menjalankan profesinya....

Menyeberang jalan padahal disampingnya ada jembatan penyeberangan......sudah buta dan malaskah kita sampai menelantarkan jembatan penyeberangan yang dibuat demi keselamatan kita sendiri....??

SIM A dan SIM C dalam 1 jam (dijamin!!)....entah jadinya jalanan Indonesia seperti apa....

Banjir sana sini....bukti ketidak pedulian kita secara menyeluruh tuk memperhatikan lingkungan....

Seks in da kos....hilangnya budaya timur dan datangnya budaya nafsu demi sebuih kenikmatan duniawi sesaat....

Pungli sana sini....menjadikan ekonomi berbiaya tinggi dan seretnya roda ekonomi....

Tenaker murah....upaya menggadaikan penduduk negeri demi sebuah kata....”Investasi asing”

Bertanya pas kuliah dimarahi....salah tambah dimarahi lagi....kapan negeri ini bisa kritis kalo dibeginiin mulu...makanya kebanyakan bisanya mem-beo mulu....jadinya YES-man....

Wakil rakyat minta laptop 25 Jeti....paling2 dipake main solitaire, chatting, donlot dan nonton film serta minum kopi (yang ditaro di tempat CD/DVD) pas siding berlangsung....:P

Wakil rakyat ketiduran pas siding....semoga karena mereka bener2 lelah demi mengurusi rakyat....

BBM mahal....akibat liberalisasi sector migas yang membabi buta....

Film cinta dan horror.....bukti bahwa kebanyakan cinta bisa mendatangkan horror dalam hidup:D

Timor Timur...Aceh....Papua....semoga tidak ada lagi wilayah lain yang menyusul.....
Penyanyi nyanyi lagu cinta....nyata-nyata-nya merekalah pelaku cerai sana sini....
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Ah...sudahlah...sudah terlalu banyak masalah di negeriku....apakah ini bukti bahwa negeriku ini salah urus????

Look Ever Forward

“....Traps spreading countlessly, make 1 miss and you are dismissed delete....The future moves toward a virtual space, in the end the only certainty is this belief....”

For those of you who think I’m falling apart…for those of you who think I’m in despair…for those of you who think I’m lost…nai…nai…nai…I’m only just taking a brief stop and wondering how and where should I go and step through my life….

I may have yet to find my Raison D’etre here, but I’m getting the feeling of regaining my supposed dream that I have yet to reach. By just remembering that…It seems all my sorrows and despairs are lost by the neverending optimism and courage.
Walopun godaan dating tiap detik untuk tetap mengingat alasan awal itu, aku akhirnya memutuskan untuk lebih memikirkan dirikus sendiri dan apa2 yang bias kuperbuat untuk diriku sendiri…kembali mengorbankan kebahagiaan pribadiku tuk meraih impian dan cita2ku

Mungkin diantara kalian ada yang bertanya kenapa harus mengorbankan kebahagiaan pribadiku…?Itu tidak lain karena adanya suatu kejadian masa lampau yang membuatku harus menebus rasa bersalah itu dan melakukan yang terbaik….walopun bisa dikatakan masih pada yang jalur yang salah…namun demikian…..perenunganku saat itu dan sekarang pun masih memberikan suatu jawaban yang sama….

Bahkan mungkin kecenderungannya aku bakal mulai “sell my soul to the devil”….hahaha….tenang aja kok…engga sebegitu parah seperti yang tertulis….hanya saja bisa jadi aku bakal melakukan hal2 yang sifatnya kejam bagi diri dan prinsipku tuk meraih apa yang kuharapkan….You never know when you would run out of time….so….for the better good….sometimes….no…..often….sacrifices need to be done….and usually its in the form of having to sacrifice our heart and happiness.

Terlepas dari urusan ruwet di paragraf atas….semua ini merupakan upayaku untuk senantiasa menatap masa depan dan melupakan apa2 yang telah lewat. Sekalipun apa2 yang telah lewat itu merupakan suatu kebahagiaan….namun seketika aku merasa belum pantas menikmati hal itu dan aku kembali menjejak bumi tuk melanjutkan upayaq menebus waktu yang hilang dahulu.

Apa2 yang kukatakan bisa jadi mengesankan aku menempatkan diriku pada suatu titik yang ekstrim bila diandaikan pada suatu poros. Hanya saja….selalu memang begitu diriku….engga pernah bisa menempatkan diriku bener2 di tengah….Jadinya seringkali aku berada pada berbagai titik ekstrim. Memang….kejadian saat itu membuatku tersadar akan akan betapa pentingnya keselarasan dalam hidup….dan sejak itu pula aku senantiasa berupaya tuk meraihnya….hanya saja…melihat keadaanku saat ini….sepertinya jalan dan upaya ku masih kurang dan panjang….

Demi waktuku yang hilang….kebahagiaan pribadi pun harus kugadaikan….demi menebus kesalahan masa lalu….

Raison d'être

2 Weeks....2 weeks i’ve spent my holday here in Malang. Happy?Sure I am...who doesn’t gets happy when they go back to their family;). With around 2 months left here, there’re obviously many things that I can and wanna do here.

Namun demikian....segala sesuatunya engga pernah sesuai dengan apa yang kita harapkan. Liburan panjang ini yang awalnya kuharapkan menjadi liburan yang paling seru justru malah terancam menjadi liburan yang paling membosankan dan mengenaskan....itupun jika aq tidak segera memikirkan langkah2 tuk menangkalnya.

Kenapa aq mengatakan demikian...well...many factors have led to this threat. Cuaca yang engga bersahabat jelas2 membuat kita berpikir 2 kali tuk melakukan kunjungan keluar. Bukan ujannya sih yang gw takutin....tapi efek banjir yang mungkin ditimbulkannya seperti yang telah gw bahas dalam blog gw sebelumnya.

Satu fakta lain adalah keadaan dimana sekarang temen2 gw dah pada mencar di kota2 lain tuk bekerja. Emang kondisi ini dah gw alami pas liburanq sebelumnya. Hanya saja kali ini lebih terasa aja betapa sepi ketika temen2 mencar mengadu nasib masing2. Can’t help this kinda condition. Tapi itulah kenyataan hidup...ketika tiap2 insan akan berpencar pada jalan hidup masing2 sesuai dengan apa yang diharapkan. The best we can do in this kinda of condition is to maintain our silahturahim with each other....to savor the precious times....to remember the moments together....

However, the main reason bout the problem here was due to my raison d’etre here. The main purpose for me here was honestly to fulfil a promise with a certain someone. A promise that I’ve waited for more than half a year for the time to come..a promise to fulfil my curiosity on something...but...that promise is threatened to be nothing more than a mere promise....without any realization.

This promise was my raison d’etre here. But with that kinda threat, I’m slowly losing my raison d’etre here. If so...I’m in deep trouble, not only here but also when I get back to Perth. Why?Coz I’m pretty sure I’m gonna loose spirit and motivation to finish off my last year of studies. Knowing this kinda of fate....its not like I haven’t predicted it. It’s just that I haven’t prepared any other raison d’etre asides what I first plan here.

A friend of mine said to me to not loose hope on that one promise. Something that I would really like to do. However, just clinging to that promise...it just doesn’t make sense at all. If I do cling on to that promise...I face the threat on gambling all of my hope and time...something which I certainly don’t wanna do.

Therefore....I have decided to call my wait for that promise of mine to an end. Eventhough it would come to realization...I’ll just consider it as a compliment....nothing more....nothing less.The catch is with this step....is to find another raison d’etre for me here....and for my future.

Speaking of which....I’ve been distracted by the thought on my future steps....in a more comprehensive manner. Its not like I haven’t thought of it...its just that I haven’t until now thought of it wholely and strategicly. Until now....it was just as pieces by pieces....patches to patches. But....with what I’m currently feeling right now....It is certainly the right time and moment to further put all those pieces together and think strategicly and comprehensively.

It’s quite a pity that I have to call quits to all the hope I’ve put over the past months....but on the other hand....I do feel a bit happy. Happy by the fact that I can finally step earth after putting myself in a sphere of endless dreams, illusions and hopes. What needs to be done next is to strengthen my heart, mind and soul and to not let myself ever....ever....ever again feel this kind of agony. This kind of agony is happy and enjoyable though....only if you are ready to face the consequences in a manly and proper manner....but if not....It’ll just end up as a painfull fatamorgana.

Nevertheless.... lets look forward to a new hope that I’ll be making....till later....

Unlucky Flood

Kenapa aq nulis ini…simple….aq masih nggumun gara2 kejebak banjir terparah yang kotaku pernah rasakan…..

Can you imagine….stuck 3 hours just because you’ve got all major intersections at Malang totally flooded at the height of an adults chests??Sounds crazy since Malang is a city at high levels….but there it is….Malang got Flooded yesterday!!!

I’m not gonna talk about the flood itself…but I’m more interested in how it could have suffered from flood. Well everyone…as you know…Malang has gone some rapid development over the past 10 years lately. But the problem is….semua pembangunan itu tidak disertai dengan perencanaan yang matang dan konsisten terhadap tata ruang dan peruntukan tempat yang seharusnya dan sepantasnya.

Mengapa aq menambahkan kata2 sepantasnya??Sekarang mari kita berpikir dan mengamati….First…Mall MATOS…mall yang digadang2 sebagai mall terbesar kedua d Jatim (demikian promosinya dulu) ternyata bersebelahan dengan kuburan!!!!Sudah gitu…..mall ini letaknya di deket tempat2 pendidikan. Engga matching bangetssss!!!!!And what do you get as a bonus with that new mall…..it roads in front always gets flooded.

Second….MOG….tidak hanya menyebabkan alur lalin d jalan kawi tambah sempit gara2 ada pembatas jalan baru….tapi mall ini juga memangkas tempat2 olahraga bagi warga malang dan lahan2 hijau disekitarnya….and also certainly…..menyebabkan banjir di jalan kawi-nya!!!!

Menjamurnya ruko2….emang sih….tempat berdagang itu penting…tapi bagiku….pertumbuhan ruko2 di malang bener2 sudah diluar batas kewajaran….apa kita emang butuh hadirnya banyak ruko?Kalopun iya….kenapa ujung2nya ruko2 itu malah yg dapat orang2 kaya?Melihat fenomena ini, saya kadang terheran dengan fakta bahwa orang2 mampu masih aja sempet dapet tempat berusaha….tapi para PKL 2 d jalan2 harus bahu membahu mempertahankan eksistensinya dari kejaran tramtb setiap ada penggrebekan…singkat kata….PKL2 lbih layak membutuhkan tempat2 usaha yang permanen bagi mereka daripada ruko2 yang seringkali menggusur lahan2 hijau d kota.

Ah..entahlah…keluh kesahku akan perubahan2 negatif d kotaku engga bakalan berhenti. Namun demikian….aq senantiasa berharap kota ini bias kembali menjadi kota asri nan sejuk sebagaimana dulu dikenal oleh orang2 zaman dulu….masa dimana pagi hari masih berkabut….masa ketika pagi hari masih dingin….dan masa ketika kota ini engga pernah mengalami banjir….amin;)

Sheer Luck

Malaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnggggggggg……I’M BACK!!!! He..he..he..he…

Akhirnya sampe juga di kota kelahiranku tercinta;)….until the next 2,5 months that is:P. Udah ngeplan kegiatan2ku dsini…Cuma kok moro2 merasa males ya:P….ah eniwei…I’ll take my time…besides….I’m not a machine that can go 100% according to plan…I’m just a human that can shift his plans and mind to his surroundings:D.

Eniwei….dengan kedatanganq d Indo aq mendapatkan suatu kabar yang cukup membuatku menunggu….nanika???Yep…my semester results;)….Lamanya waktu cukup membuatku merasa deg-deg-an akan hasil yang akan kuraih. Begitu keluar pun….mataku lekat2 menatap layar komputer dari site yg nampilin hasil itu….

Dan ternyata….I GOT THREE HIGH DISTINCTIONS!!!!WOW…..what a surprise…..a real surprise hountou ni….naze??Coz I honestly didn’t expect to get this kind of result this semester. Even though I did aime for this achievement, current progrees throughout the time made me pessimistic about the result I could get….But there it is….3 HD!!!!Alhamdulillah 

Nevertheless….By looking at the marks of the results and how I got it until this point….I can only say that I achived it through sheer luck…..why??Lots of reasons to start with. First is the work load. The units this semester were honestly out of my thoughts. Even though it looked easy, earning the marks were not. The Lecturer’s this semester were kinda not keen on giving out good marks. That’s why when I received my series of mid semester results from various assignments, I was pretty much sure that I would fail my aim….which in the end it didn’t.

Next thing…too much chatting….:(. Honestly…I should be doing more serious things rather than chat on the web. Looks nice once your into it..but it eats up our precious time(. Damn luckt that the coming of ramadhan broke the seemingly neverending pace of my chatting. If not…who knows how much damage it would cause to my studies here. However, even though I managed to end the pace, the damage has already been felt in the start of semester. This then caused myself not putting proper attention to the planning and start of the semester.

Tired….One word to describe how hectic this semester was. With the fact that I added my working hours made my time to study almost gone. Therefore, I had to squeeze out the idle time I had to do my studies. It might sound got but without enough buffer time…it just feels quite boring…especially when you’re not in the mood for studying. End thought ….I really need to tighten up my time management next semester so my schedule doesn’t go haywire suddenly.

End result….I need to pay attention and not do the same mistakes next semester. Next term would obviously be more harder so I need to look around and stay vigilant on my studies…after all…I’am aiming for 4 high distinctions this time:D. Hope I can stay firm and keep my cool so that my aime would come to realization…aminB-)

Start of an End

Finally…my vacation has started….yeah!!!

Walo demikian…datangnya liburan ini bagiku bukanlah akhir dari perjalanan ku disini. Malah sebaliknya, bisa dibilang sebagai awal dari banyak hal yang akan datang.

Pertama2…tugas. Akhirnya….selesai juga sih. Namun demikian selesainya tugas bagiku menimbulkan suatu rasa gamang dan sekaligus kecewa. Gamang akan bagaimana nilai2q nantinya, mengingat semester ini nilai2 ku bisa dikatakan ngga begitu memuaskan. Kecewa karena nilai juga sih…tapi lebih pada fakta bahwa aku semester ini ngga memperhatikan diriku sebaik semester lalu dalam hal fisik dan mental belajar. Aku merasa bisa melakukan lebih untuk medapatkan nilai2 dari kuliah2 ku semester ini. Walo demikian….rasanya semua sudah terlambat…yang bisa kulakukan hanyalah berdoa…semoga hasil semester ini ngga lebih jelek dari semester lalu (at least).
Lainnya….

Pindah kamar…fuuuhhhh…pindah juga kemaren. Agak sedih juga sih ninggalin kamar yang sdh 2 semester aq tempati. Seperti yang kujelaskan pada beberapa blog yang lalu, aq pindah lebih karena alasan ingin dapat nuansa yang lebih ramai coz di asrama sepiiii banget. Eniwei…aq dah dsini setelah proses pengangkutan barang2 yang gede2 secara kilat kemaren sore usai ngajar iqra. Seharian ini aja juga masih ngelanjutin pindah2in barang2 kecil ke tempat baru…naik sepeda!!Kedengarannya gila…tapi juju raja, aq pengen ngetes stamina, jarak dan waktu tempuh. Ternyata engga jelek juga, rata2 waktu tempuh Cuma 20 menit. Not bad…itung2 juga olahraga nih;). My hope here…aq bisa betah dan engga perlu pindah2 lagi:P

Kerja…ahhh….datang juga saat aq bsa kerja tiap hari. Emang, kerja itu capek (emang ada kerja yg g capek:P?). Tapi…aq piker sih mendingan gini. Paling engga aq ada kegiatan yg sifatnya produktif. Daripada luntang luntung nunggu waktu2 pulang yg msh lama, mendingan kerja aja deh. Khan lumayan euy…dapat duit juga:D. Dan entah kenapa…aq belakangan ngerasa…dah mulai bisa menikmati kerjaq sekarang. Walo capek pun rasanya masih bsa enjoy, padahal dulu kalo dah capek…rasanya bener2 sumpek. Entah napa ya??Eniwei…perubahan ini bener2 aq nikmati coz bagaimanapun, aq rasa g jelek juga hal ini:P. Semoga aja kedepannya sikap semacam ini tetep bisa kupertahankan sehingga bisa menunjang kerjaku;).

Ngajar…..suatu kegiatan baru yang kelakukan belakangan. Awalnya sih diajak si head. It turned out not too bad. Malah dapat pengalaman dan wawasan baru. Terutama dalam hal menghadapi anak2 kecil yang seringkali susah tuk diajak belajar iqra:P. Bener2 butuh ketelatenan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi mereka. Terlepas dari tantangannya, aq berharap kegiatan ini bisa tetap kulakukan kedepannya. Karena aq sendiri juga menganggap hal ini bisa memaksaku untuk lebih mendalami agama dan berperilaku secara lebih baik, amin.

Fuuuhhh….what next?Jalan2?Ahya…pengennya sih, mumpung belum balik ke indo juga. Tapi dengan kegiatan2 kaya kerja n ngajar, aq kok sekarang jadi agak pesimis bisa jalan2. Padahal masih banyak tempat d perth yang pengen kujelajahi. Kayanya sih aq harus meluangkan waktuku diantara waktuq ato menggunakan waktu kosongq tuk jalan2. Who knows??

Last thing…back home. Tinggal 3 minggu lagi. Bener2 engga sabara aq tuk pulang. Sayangnya aq belum bikin plan kegiatan2q disana…so better make one soon, or I’ll risk wasting my time there doing too much trivial things. Waktu 2,5 bulan juju raja bakal terasa cepat…so, better don’t waste ur time from very day u get to Indonesia.

Bottom line is….masa2 pulang harus bisa membuatq kembali segara dan besemangat lagi menjalani semester berikutnya di Perth. Dan juga membuatq membenahi dan mengidentifikasi kesalahan2 yg terjadi di perth dalam masa 1 tahun terakhir.

Overall…the things I’m doing now,bukanlah sebuah akhir…tapi awal dari suatu hal yang kelak akan bertemu dan terjalin di masa depan.