Motivation

What drives you until now…?

Another question that still lingers round my head. Similar to my previous blog, only this time, its all bout my driving force that have led me until this very second.
Regardless of my reason to be here in Perth, I’ve always strived the very best to keep myself motivated. The first semester succeded somehow. Maybe it was due to the strong sense of survival that engulfed me back then. But the time here has made me kinda soft. The sense of survival has long been lost and here I am lost finding something that can motivate myself.

Back then in Indonesia, the thought of getting lost coz of the lack of motivation was almost nonsense. With the abundant form of motivation, I was always in the mood of inspiration there. But here…things have gotten way tough. Its not like you cannot motivate urself here, its just that you’ve gotta struggle to do that.

With the limited resources here, keeping urself motivated here is like keeping a fire on but with just few fire wood. I’ve collected some potential things that could keep me motivated, but it seems that all those things just cannot fulfil my hunger for inspiration to keep me motivated.

Without the fire to keep myself motivated here, it seems everything goes on without emotion. As if I’m just a robot doing as it is told. As if I’m just something that is void of emotions. Asif there is no spirit to keep me go in life….

Its not like I’ve done nothing to solve this. Its just that keeping the spirit to keep urself motivated is a winding road itself, full of ups and downs. And with all the limitations u’ve got here, I guess the only way out is to feel gratefull to urself. Gratefull to the fact that U’ve made it this far, gratefull to the fact that u still have stuffs to fill ur life, regardless I like it or not. But then again, even though I can act this way, I wonder how long I can stay in that moment….?

Reasons

Why am I here…?

Pertanyaan ini belakangan mengemuka di benakku. Entah kenapa begitu, tapi hal ini telah mendobrak kenyamanan yang mulai kurasakan sejak menetap di Perth. Bahwa aq ada disini untuk melanjutkan kuliah S2 ku merupakan suatu hal yang jelas. Namun pertanyaan diatas membuatku harus kembali merenungkan kembali mengapa aq sampai harus menempuh kuliah S2 segala…

Diminta orang tua?Well…that’s what I first thought years ago when I was finishing my bachelors. Ketika itu, aq hanya perlu melakukan ini untuk memuaskan keinginan ortu. Juga keinginan mereka untuk mampu membanggakan seseuatu dihadapan koleganya. Pretty messed up but that’s what I really thought back then.

Times passed and I finished my bachelors. It was here on that I finally thought…”Hey…kul S2 lagi g jelek juga..”. Pikiranku ktika itu juga diliputi oleh suatu perasaan menyesal yang amat. Penyesalam yang terjadi karena tidak mampu memanfaatkan masa 4,5 tahun kuliahku dengan sungguh2. Jadilah aku berpikir untuk memanfaatkan masa kuliah S2 ku untuk menebus waktuku yang hilang. Juga untuk memantapkan kembali segala sesuatu yang telah kudapatkan sejauh itu.

Sampai semester pertamaku dsini, that reason remained. But just recently I’ve felt really inconvenient about that fact. Aku kembali berpikir…cukupkah alasan itu demi keberadaanku dsini?Seberapa lamakah alasan itu akan bertahan didalam diriku?Tidak adakah suatu alasan yang lebih mulia demi keberadaanku disini….:-?

Dibutuhkannya suatu alasan adalah demi landasan atas segala sesuatu yang akan dilakukan sekarang dan untuk masa depan. With the fact that I’m doubting again those reasons, I again feel insecure about what kind of future I’m pursuing….

Then again…was it just for fame, regrets, passion, lust, greed, pride or some other miscellaneous reasons. Wallahu alam. But if I don’t rediscover it, who knows what future would await me…..

666

Nope…u don’t interpret that with anything that has to do with Satanism…nor with anything with sex (since Japanese people might read it sekusu…sekusu…sekusu). It’s just that I was ill….:P

Out of the blue…I was struck with this illness. The signs of it had emerged some weeks before it became serious, and I was ignorant on those signs. In the end, the heavy coughs and nosebleeds sure hit me hard. Disabling me from attending most of my lectures here. There goes my first 2 absents from class 

Now…hmm…it hasn’t really gone yet, I mean the illness. Still suffering from some light coughs here and there. But at least I’m now able to resume my daily activities as usual. Not being able to do anything while sick sure has made my mind and body numb. Therefore, I’ve been struggling hard to regain my mental and physical conditions through hard study and simple workouts

And to think that this illness came right after my 24th birthday…it really made me able to contemplate on some matters…especially health. Up till now, I’ve been working hard to not fall sick again. So far it has somewhat succeeded. Only some minor flu’s have occurred. But this illness was one of the serious ones that forced me to go see a doctor. End result….yeah…I was sloppy on my health should have paid more attention to it.

Ramadhan is coming in a week and there goes another good reason why I need to get back in shape soon. I don’t wanna end up like last year, when I was struck with a flu prior and after ramadhan. Especially here, being sick really isn’t a feasible condition on you when medicine prices are damn high .
But before ramadhan, I’ve still got one week of tuition free week upcoming. I’m gonna tidy up all the mess that was caused due to my sickness. I wanna start ramadhan in a good and tidy manner so that I can enjoy that holy month in serenity and purity .

Restart

Another semester….another start….a new beginning….

That’s what I’m currently feeling. Everything seems like rewinded to the beginning of last semester…time where I had no idea on where to start my studies with…

However…things aren’t totally that way…its just the feeling that’s kinda déjà vu. The feeling that u’ve gotta find again ur lost study feeling that’s been drowned over the last month due to vacations. Its gonna take some time to recover that feeling…and I’m gonna have to do it quick since things are starting to get harder as the day comes by.

2 units that I really need to take care of are statement analysis and governance & ethics. Why?....coz I have no clue on how the lecturers are and the units seem quite hard….so better stay aware on whats happening….better satay alert by studying enough so that u don’t get lost in the middle of semester.

Add those with my increased work hours and it does look tiring. With a total of 11 hours a day….I better watch my health and body. Gotta make sure that nothing goes wrong over the semester. Again..I can’t afford 2 be sick due to the expensive cost of medications….bottom line is to don’t get carried away by the money u can get….mainobjective is to…STUDY!!

End note…I’ve made a self review on myself. It certainly looks like I’ve gotta revises some things to improve myself. Especially when I’ve already targeted 3 High Distinction marks at the end of this semester…that means a lot of hard work. As they say…its harder to maintain a success rather than achieving it…yup…that’s what I’m experiencing right now….Just watch your back….stay alert…don’t get swayed away by any temptations that might make me astray….

Amiieennn…..:)