Learning . . . . BREEEAAAAKKKKK !!!!

AAaaarrrrgghhhhh . . . patah seakan patah beneran . . . the visit back to novus back was somehow .......errrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . emotionally drainful. With the hopes of simply rejuvenating myself . . . i guess i had put too much hopes on this visit.

I don’t know why at first . . . but slowly as the days past, i couldn’t deny the feeling that there was something wrong with me. It slowly started as a subtle sign of loneliness . . . withdrawal and tiredness. But i guess it took me almost the whole journey there to finally understand whats lingering inside me.
Side effects anyone?surely there was . . . and it almost came out really nasty as I felt the urge to suddenly punch someone in the face or even take a cigarette. Luckily neither was done, but those signs finally gave me the kickback that there was definitely something bad on me. And I had to do something soon at least to not let someone else hurt.

Why it happen. If u ask for a root, then i guess i’m kinda feelin fed up with all the routines around me. As u know from previous blogs, having “my” time lately has been really hard. Your life has been like a piece of cake, being sliced and given to other people leaving only nothing or at least a small portion for yourself. Good thing for others as they get to know u more, but for me . . . hmmppfff . . . can’t really say anything.

What can I say now is that I wanna keep a distance from the others for the moment, try to find back my lost soul and preserving what’s left of my sanity. One thing is for sure, the learning break did manage to break my mind into pieces. Good thing for me, it did kinda leave my head in a somewhat fragmented brain, making me into some kind of limbo. Gotta get back to my reality as life is to short to keep myself occupied in my breakness . . . .

Taking a toll. . .

Darn . . . tanpa kuduga kerja ini pada akhirnya membawa dampak yang tidak kusangka . . . gejala tipes ringan yang pada akhirnya memaksaku tuk istirahat 2 hari. Gara2 aku juga sih g segera memeriksakan batukku ke dokter seusai dari Novus. Jadinya kaya gini deh . . . Sekarang sih dah mendingan. But really, i need to boost my stamina as other busy things are waiting me to do.

Kerjapun demikian, semakin hari semakin memuncak kesibukannya. Dan hal ini jujur saja membuat diri ini terlena dan melupakan hal2 lain yang justru membuatkan sadar tuk kembali menapakkan kaki ke bumi. Things like reading . . . watching movies alone and writing has really been a luxurious thing for me to do lately. Such things that keeps my sanity in place is now being slowly eroded from the palm of my hands. It seems the next couple of weeks would be my struggle to take and fight back slowly my precious activities. If not, I might not end up not being myself. Just a mere self in a soulless fleshed container being a puppet of the surroundings.

And now with the BSMR gone, I’d really like to start do so. Try to find back my rhythm. Like it or not, it seems solitude has really been my best companion in one way or another as it is thru solitariness that I can gain a peace of mind of things thats strangles me. But then . . . this to . . . is one of the most things that is being taken away from me . . .

Alon alon asal kelakon . . . better i thing rather than taking a toll but it would just hurt me in the end . . .

Now . . . .

I can't stop melting from your kisses

I can't be mute when you're speaking

I can't stop longing for your hugs

I can't be blind upon your looks

but most of all . . .

I cannot deny on your gracefulness :)