Ore wa saigo no vacation….hmm….g nyangka ini dah liburan terakhirku…dan ketika ku menapak tilas 2 liburanku sebelumnya….tampak jelas dimataku beberapa perbedaan antara sekarang dan dahulu.
On my first…well…berhubung mendadak…engga banyak yang bisa kulakukan. Dengan 12 hari….yang bisa kulakukan hanyalah hal2 penting (aslinya kebanyakan engga penting :P ) selama masa itu. But yeah...it felt fun…why?coz at that time…I could still meet and see some of my uni friends. Its as if…I was younger back then…unknowing that time that would be my last time to see most of them….
The next vacation…hmm….2,5 month…I though it was gonna be my best and memorable vacation….truth?it turned 180 degrees around and left me like a fool in the end. The fact that I inadequately thought on the worst case scenario caused myself to merely enjoy the ashes and ruins of what was left at that time….
And now…hmm…the sensation when I first stepped back home….it’s as if…I was thrown back months ago on my last vacation…It’s as if nothing changed…But yeah…maybe it was due to my mindset that I intended this vacation to finish of some unfinished business on myself. Not bad nevertheless though ;)
However…that sensation was only on my house…on the outside…I just felt that everything has changed…my neighbourhood…my town…my friends…I mean everything…and in the end…I just had this thought that I’m really some sort of country bumpkin from oz trapped in the jungle of Indonesia….
Hmmm…where shall we start…At first…I knew this last vacation…I shouldn’t be expecting much…especially in terms of meeting olf friends and so. But when I look at their facebook’s ….I just cannot help thinking that everyone is moving at such pace that I’m left behind…making me feel that am I really living life at its real???
I mean…while everyone is already working their asses to shape their dreams and future…I wonder to myself…what have I done until now to do such things…I know that study is already one step…but for others….i honestly feel that I lack all sorts of vital things to shape my dream….
And also one thing…the fact that I cannot again meet them freely as we did…it just feels kinda lonely…yeah..I do miss those times when we could just do all sorts of miscellaneous things without thinking….laughing and crying on anything…it just feels like yesterday….while the fact is that it seems like it’s already a distant past…
As for the town and society…is it just me or am I already feeling the sense of not being able to act Indonesian while I’m already in my home country. I mean…months ago on my vacation…I could still tolerate all sorts of mistakes and vices I encounter made by usual day Indonesians….now???I can’t let go of the feeling that they all seem so uneducated…
It’s not that I’m putting them on a lower level than me….its just that I wonder…am I able to fit in again to the Indonesian society once the time comes for me….I wonder…have I already been that used to the cleanliness and tidy routines I’ve been going through in ozzy…?It seems that I have in one way or another….
If there is one chance for me to finally mature and shape my self once and for all…I guess now is the time. Why so?coz it’s gonna be the last chance for me to reminisce on my past and think forward on what I’m gonna be and do. Not to mention…it’ll also serve as some sort of transition phase for me to say goodbye to all my nice and bitter times as a teenager…With being 25 this year…I’ve pretty much felt all sorts of things in life and I guess it is time to part with them in a good and peaceful manner.
For all those times…good and bad…please…shape myself to be a better man as time goes on…For life only comes once…It’s not worth throwing life away for doing things without consideration and thinking….
Towards the unknown future….
Friday, June 26, 2009
Walking on a Looser’s road
Hmm….finally….a vacation…after those hell of asinans (read: assignments), I really just wanted to easen my mind and refresh my body…especially when ur still in the middle of the never ending coughs…
Well…now…I really don’t care much on how my semester results when end up…All I hope is that I pass all those units so I don’t have to extend another semester. Really..it has been one horrible season this time due to the lack of planning and execution. I’ve pretty much listed most of the problems on my previous posting so it’s there for those who are curious on what my probs are about.
For some…a vacation is to relax…have fun and do miscellaneous things…For me…it’s is the same…with the exception that it also serves me the chance to prepare myself to plan and think about what I’m gonna do and achieve the next season. And lucky me…I’ve managed to get a sneak preview on my schedules next term. My first impression…still…it’s gonna be another hellish 3 month.
There is a reason why I say so. The truth is…every semester gets harder and harder. To continuously improve yourself, you just cannot rely on your past achievements. You’ve gotta think of new ideas and be more creative on how to achieve and survive the new season. Sounds easy…yeah…but to be honest…it’s in fact harder than expected…I’ve faced this one personally previously.
In short, the hard parts on the next term would be the fact that I’ll be going through the Ramadhan. In one way…it does spell good and heavy meals on Maghrib :D…..but in other words…it would also spell heavy loads of work and study on an empty stomach and cold season. Therefore…I pray to Allah SWT…please and please…let my body and mind healthy during the month of Ramadhan so I can concentrate fully on all my activities there….amin.
The other things…yep…it’s the units. The units are pretty much repetitions of past subjects I’ve done during my bachelor days. It might sound easy…but yeah…I’ve gotta do some extra reading to refresh my memories on those subject. The last thing you expect is to know nothing at the start of class….and yeah…this was one mistake I did last semester….
Next??Hmm…yeah…the next semester is also the last semester for me….After that….it’s gonna be the real world….the real thing where you throw yourself to the society to implement and test your lifetime skills that you’ve gained and built during all those years of education from toddler to postgrad.
This last fact…In one way…it does relieve me…All these years of study has pretty much bored me to the bone…so it is one welcome change…but yeah then…it also puts me on my nerves coz I feel not confident enough with my knowledge and life experience to face work and society. I just feel that I left so many chances in the past that could have added my curriculum vitae….
Speaking bout this when end me on another train of regretness…so it would be useless at this point. All I can do is to do my best to repent for my lost time and gain new and better experience to help me for my future.
Well then…it all goes back to what I’ll be facing later on…just hope I can use this last real vacation of mine to rejuvenate my body and mind so it’ll be ready for my last and final study term…amin…
Well…now…I really don’t care much on how my semester results when end up…All I hope is that I pass all those units so I don’t have to extend another semester. Really..it has been one horrible season this time due to the lack of planning and execution. I’ve pretty much listed most of the problems on my previous posting so it’s there for those who are curious on what my probs are about.
For some…a vacation is to relax…have fun and do miscellaneous things…For me…it’s is the same…with the exception that it also serves me the chance to prepare myself to plan and think about what I’m gonna do and achieve the next season. And lucky me…I’ve managed to get a sneak preview on my schedules next term. My first impression…still…it’s gonna be another hellish 3 month.
There is a reason why I say so. The truth is…every semester gets harder and harder. To continuously improve yourself, you just cannot rely on your past achievements. You’ve gotta think of new ideas and be more creative on how to achieve and survive the new season. Sounds easy…yeah…but to be honest…it’s in fact harder than expected…I’ve faced this one personally previously.
In short, the hard parts on the next term would be the fact that I’ll be going through the Ramadhan. In one way…it does spell good and heavy meals on Maghrib :D…..but in other words…it would also spell heavy loads of work and study on an empty stomach and cold season. Therefore…I pray to Allah SWT…please and please…let my body and mind healthy during the month of Ramadhan so I can concentrate fully on all my activities there….amin.
The other things…yep…it’s the units. The units are pretty much repetitions of past subjects I’ve done during my bachelor days. It might sound easy…but yeah…I’ve gotta do some extra reading to refresh my memories on those subject. The last thing you expect is to know nothing at the start of class….and yeah…this was one mistake I did last semester….
Next??Hmm…yeah…the next semester is also the last semester for me….After that….it’s gonna be the real world….the real thing where you throw yourself to the society to implement and test your lifetime skills that you’ve gained and built during all those years of education from toddler to postgrad.
This last fact…In one way…it does relieve me…All these years of study has pretty much bored me to the bone…so it is one welcome change…but yeah then…it also puts me on my nerves coz I feel not confident enough with my knowledge and life experience to face work and society. I just feel that I left so many chances in the past that could have added my curriculum vitae….
Speaking bout this when end me on another train of regretness…so it would be useless at this point. All I can do is to do my best to repent for my lost time and gain new and better experience to help me for my future.
Well then…it all goes back to what I’ll be facing later on…just hope I can use this last real vacation of mine to rejuvenate my body and mind so it’ll be ready for my last and final study term…amin…
Monday, June 01, 2009
Stuck
Fu…fu…fu…fu….the semester has almost ended here…and still wondering what I’m gonna do on my vacation…go back home or be freezing cold in the winter of Perth.
With myself in this study week…I can finally get my body and mind to rest for a bit after those battering assignments. Especially those two stats unit…really…they were the main nightmare of this season…flipping my brain up side down just to get a grip on this exquisite subject.
Though I’ve still got like two assignments and a exam to finish of, I can pretty much do all those on a walking pace since the due dates for both are like a week in between. That means I can prepare them carefully….hopefully :P…Heeyyyy….you’ve gotta do it…wrap the semester nicely ;)
Speaking of how this semester went…I wouldn’t say it went the best of ways as expected. In fact….I’ld say it went worse than expected. Too many factors contributed to this semesters wreckage…some latent…some were due to my ineptness.
For the latent part…I guess I’ve said it many times in previous blogs before. Sure…it did somehow affect me. But what I really hated that it consumed my time and mind early at the semester till it left me forgetting what I had to plan and prepare for this semester.
And…it proved me right…I lagged behind in terms of my performances since I couldn’t tune myself in. Aside of that…I guess I took too long of a vacation…something that I finally realized lately. Even though I lagged behind, I tried my best to plan and prepare would could still be done. Though hard…some things finally came up to face this semester.
But then…I forgot…this semester wasn’t the same as before…why?Coz you have two tution free weeks pooled together. Good?OBVIOUSLY NOT !!coz that also means your gonna have a double load of assignments on your tail to finish of during that time. And sure it did….double bill of ASS-ignments really loaded my mind leaving me without any time and chance to re-build my strength.
As the tuition week passes…there I was working my ass and getting a grip on how to untie the challenges that faced me. Also…the need to prepare the AQWA outing for the TPA kids came by. Little that I knew…at that time…something bad was coming that would cost me a month of strength.
Yeah…those two weeks passed and I somehow managed to get the PANTAT finished. Also…I somehow managed to salvage some plans to finish of this semester but then…I fell sick…and it just dragged on for a month!!First…just a normal flu…next….pollen allergy…and now….chesty coughs. Now…it has kinda relieved…but still the signs show that it can go back anytime. For the time being….I just hope that vacation comes so that I can concentrate on getting back my health.
Back to the main topic…though the 2 weeks passes…I was there again…facing even more hard core work to do….most of them courtesy of stats of course (I even made a note on this in my facebook). It couldn’t had been harder had my fellow group mates didn’t screw and be stiff headed. Really…it did cost us finally in the presentation stage. Though not slaughtered as I thought would be…still…I just thought we could have done better and patch those unneeded holes in our work. But yeah…let by gone be by gones…there’s nothing I can do.
Eventhough some results have come up…and honestly…its not as worst as expected…but the feeling that I could have done better still lingers in me. Now…all the mistakes are visible to me and it just makes me wonder…why couldn’t I realize it earlier….days…weeks…months ago. And another thing that makes me feel kinda regretfull is the fact that most of the mistakes I made this semester…technically or not…were things that I did in the past…meaning…I’ve fell in the same hole again!!!!!^%^&$^*$*^#%*#%#%
Hmm…yeah…we as humans do encounter these mistakes…given..it really is a normal thing. But why I hate it is coz that means I’m jeopardizing my chance to redeem my lost time is getting harder and harder…As for now…All I can hope is for a miracle to happen…again as what happened last semester. But still…I doubt it…coz u know…miracles only come once…that’s what I believe…
For the rest of my work…hope I can really wrap those up…as a consolation for myself…to get the best out of the worst right now….
With myself in this study week…I can finally get my body and mind to rest for a bit after those battering assignments. Especially those two stats unit…really…they were the main nightmare of this season…flipping my brain up side down just to get a grip on this exquisite subject.
Though I’ve still got like two assignments and a exam to finish of, I can pretty much do all those on a walking pace since the due dates for both are like a week in between. That means I can prepare them carefully….hopefully :P…Heeyyyy….you’ve gotta do it…wrap the semester nicely ;)
Speaking of how this semester went…I wouldn’t say it went the best of ways as expected. In fact….I’ld say it went worse than expected. Too many factors contributed to this semesters wreckage…some latent…some were due to my ineptness.
For the latent part…I guess I’ve said it many times in previous blogs before. Sure…it did somehow affect me. But what I really hated that it consumed my time and mind early at the semester till it left me forgetting what I had to plan and prepare for this semester.
And…it proved me right…I lagged behind in terms of my performances since I couldn’t tune myself in. Aside of that…I guess I took too long of a vacation…something that I finally realized lately. Even though I lagged behind, I tried my best to plan and prepare would could still be done. Though hard…some things finally came up to face this semester.
But then…I forgot…this semester wasn’t the same as before…why?Coz you have two tution free weeks pooled together. Good?OBVIOUSLY NOT !!coz that also means your gonna have a double load of assignments on your tail to finish of during that time. And sure it did….double bill of ASS-ignments really loaded my mind leaving me without any time and chance to re-build my strength.
As the tuition week passes…there I was working my ass and getting a grip on how to untie the challenges that faced me. Also…the need to prepare the AQWA outing for the TPA kids came by. Little that I knew…at that time…something bad was coming that would cost me a month of strength.
Yeah…those two weeks passed and I somehow managed to get the PANTAT finished. Also…I somehow managed to salvage some plans to finish of this semester but then…I fell sick…and it just dragged on for a month!!First…just a normal flu…next….pollen allergy…and now….chesty coughs. Now…it has kinda relieved…but still the signs show that it can go back anytime. For the time being….I just hope that vacation comes so that I can concentrate on getting back my health.
Back to the main topic…though the 2 weeks passes…I was there again…facing even more hard core work to do….most of them courtesy of stats of course (I even made a note on this in my facebook). It couldn’t had been harder had my fellow group mates didn’t screw and be stiff headed. Really…it did cost us finally in the presentation stage. Though not slaughtered as I thought would be…still…I just thought we could have done better and patch those unneeded holes in our work. But yeah…let by gone be by gones…there’s nothing I can do.
Eventhough some results have come up…and honestly…its not as worst as expected…but the feeling that I could have done better still lingers in me. Now…all the mistakes are visible to me and it just makes me wonder…why couldn’t I realize it earlier….days…weeks…months ago. And another thing that makes me feel kinda regretfull is the fact that most of the mistakes I made this semester…technically or not…were things that I did in the past…meaning…I’ve fell in the same hole again!!!!!^%^&$^*$*^#%*#%#%
Hmm…yeah…we as humans do encounter these mistakes…given..it really is a normal thing. But why I hate it is coz that means I’m jeopardizing my chance to redeem my lost time is getting harder and harder…As for now…All I can hope is for a miracle to happen…again as what happened last semester. But still…I doubt it…coz u know…miracles only come once…that’s what I believe…
For the rest of my work…hope I can really wrap those up…as a consolation for myself…to get the best out of the worst right now….
Fallen Angels
It’s on something more…on to our nexus…bonds…one thing that has tickled me on some of my re-encounters and cross paths.
I bet…every one of us had a dream…that one dream as ayouth that we always held on…and we vowed in our hearts that we hope to fulfill those wishes…pure and idealistic wishes…till our soul departs the body…however…little we did realize that life is full of winding roads.
We made friends…acquaintances…and contacts here and there…yet…all seems to have vanished in the ashes of mundane matters.
Why I’m saying these dark yet depressed words…feelin depressed?nope…just reflecting on some that had and felt those words above years ago. And when I engage such things…I cannot help but to feel this notion of lossness and pityness towards those evaporated dreams and sacred visions.
Even though some have survived the harshness and beatings of this hellish world….still…many have been led astray…lost in the fog of worldly problems…desires and sadness…by then…I wonder…is there still a spark of light to still find again that lost hope and time…
Maybe…they left to find happiness…to escape the harshness of the dreams…to find togetherness…to seek love…or any other thing….such things cannot be blamed for we are humans who still long for such kind of things…maybe…it was our intentions that were not strong…our prayers not enough…or even…we were just playing around that time…who knows but the heavens above….
If time were to come back again…I wonder what went wrong…what was missed….what was lacked till that special light bestowed was to be lost…Nevertheless…such things won’t ever happen…just the intentions of doing so presently is what’s available for us.
For those who survived…please…stay as you are…or even soar higher….bring our fallen dreams…and do…pray for us…the fallen angels…to be able to ever revive our broken wings and redeem that forgotten hope we once together held upon. Stay alight…at the very least to be our lighthouse in this dark world.
For me and those fallen angels….
I bet…every one of us had a dream…that one dream as ayouth that we always held on…and we vowed in our hearts that we hope to fulfill those wishes…pure and idealistic wishes…till our soul departs the body…however…little we did realize that life is full of winding roads.
We made friends…acquaintances…and contacts here and there…yet…all seems to have vanished in the ashes of mundane matters.
Why I’m saying these dark yet depressed words…feelin depressed?nope…just reflecting on some that had and felt those words above years ago. And when I engage such things…I cannot help but to feel this notion of lossness and pityness towards those evaporated dreams and sacred visions.
Even though some have survived the harshness and beatings of this hellish world….still…many have been led astray…lost in the fog of worldly problems…desires and sadness…by then…I wonder…is there still a spark of light to still find again that lost hope and time…
Maybe…they left to find happiness…to escape the harshness of the dreams…to find togetherness…to seek love…or any other thing….such things cannot be blamed for we are humans who still long for such kind of things…maybe…it was our intentions that were not strong…our prayers not enough…or even…we were just playing around that time…who knows but the heavens above….
If time were to come back again…I wonder what went wrong…what was missed….what was lacked till that special light bestowed was to be lost…Nevertheless…such things won’t ever happen…just the intentions of doing so presently is what’s available for us.
For those who survived…please…stay as you are…or even soar higher….bring our fallen dreams…and do…pray for us…the fallen angels…to be able to ever revive our broken wings and redeem that forgotten hope we once together held upon. Stay alight…at the very least to be our lighthouse in this dark world.
For me and those fallen angels….
One month ago…one month later…
One month passes…we still go by those lavish dreams
Hopes rekindle…awaiting what’s to be encountered on the spears of our sights
Endless phases accompany us to the exchanges we had
And now…a turn has passed
Years ago…little was known on the future steps…
And then it turned out to be what heart couldn’t even imagine
Nevertheless…I’m happy as a bronze mileage is broken
Hopes rekindle…awaiting what’s to be encountered on the spears of our sights
Endless phases accompany us to the exchanges we had
And now…a turn has passed
Years ago…little was known on the future steps…
And then it turned out to be what heart couldn’t even imagine
Nevertheless…I’m happy as a bronze mileage is broken
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