Ore wa saigo no vacation….hmm….g nyangka ini dah liburan terakhirku…dan ketika ku menapak tilas 2 liburanku sebelumnya….tampak jelas dimataku beberapa perbedaan antara sekarang dan dahulu.
On my first…well…berhubung mendadak…engga banyak yang bisa kulakukan. Dengan 12 hari….yang bisa kulakukan hanyalah hal2 penting (aslinya kebanyakan engga penting :P ) selama masa itu. But yeah...it felt fun…why?coz at that time…I could still meet and see some of my uni friends. Its as if…I was younger back then…unknowing that time that would be my last time to see most of them….
The next vacation…hmm….2,5 month…I though it was gonna be my best and memorable vacation….truth?it turned 180 degrees around and left me like a fool in the end. The fact that I inadequately thought on the worst case scenario caused myself to merely enjoy the ashes and ruins of what was left at that time….
And now…hmm…the sensation when I first stepped back home….it’s as if…I was thrown back months ago on my last vacation…It’s as if nothing changed…But yeah…maybe it was due to my mindset that I intended this vacation to finish of some unfinished business on myself. Not bad nevertheless though ;)
However…that sensation was only on my house…on the outside…I just felt that everything has changed…my neighbourhood…my town…my friends…I mean everything…and in the end…I just had this thought that I’m really some sort of country bumpkin from oz trapped in the jungle of Indonesia….
Hmmm…where shall we start…At first…I knew this last vacation…I shouldn’t be expecting much…especially in terms of meeting olf friends and so. But when I look at their facebook’s ….I just cannot help thinking that everyone is moving at such pace that I’m left behind…making me feel that am I really living life at its real???
I mean…while everyone is already working their asses to shape their dreams and future…I wonder to myself…what have I done until now to do such things…I know that study is already one step…but for others….i honestly feel that I lack all sorts of vital things to shape my dream….
And also one thing…the fact that I cannot again meet them freely as we did…it just feels kinda lonely…yeah..I do miss those times when we could just do all sorts of miscellaneous things without thinking….laughing and crying on anything…it just feels like yesterday….while the fact is that it seems like it’s already a distant past…
As for the town and society…is it just me or am I already feeling the sense of not being able to act Indonesian while I’m already in my home country. I mean…months ago on my vacation…I could still tolerate all sorts of mistakes and vices I encounter made by usual day Indonesians….now???I can’t let go of the feeling that they all seem so uneducated…
It’s not that I’m putting them on a lower level than me….its just that I wonder…am I able to fit in again to the Indonesian society once the time comes for me….I wonder…have I already been that used to the cleanliness and tidy routines I’ve been going through in ozzy…?It seems that I have in one way or another….
If there is one chance for me to finally mature and shape my self once and for all…I guess now is the time. Why so?coz it’s gonna be the last chance for me to reminisce on my past and think forward on what I’m gonna be and do. Not to mention…it’ll also serve as some sort of transition phase for me to say goodbye to all my nice and bitter times as a teenager…With being 25 this year…I’ve pretty much felt all sorts of things in life and I guess it is time to part with them in a good and peaceful manner.
For all those times…good and bad…please…shape myself to be a better man as time goes on…For life only comes once…It’s not worth throwing life away for doing things without consideration and thinking….
Towards the unknown future….
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