When i go thru the playlist of my iPod, same as it may be over the times, it always delivers the moments and images of life’s history. Reliving and reminiscing . . . I’ll slowly start a list of what says what ;)
1. Jojoshi . . . one of laruku’s best ballad 4 me ;). What’s special from this ballad is the sheer feeling of serenity and flowing passion of love. It brings me back on my bachelor days, still young and naive and at the very start of listening to larc’s song. I was damn intrigued by the lyrics which I knew was romantic and lyricfull. The sense of everlasting care despite the changing seasons
2. Nanairo no Ashita~brand new beat . . . One of BoA’s songs that has the best dances. It reminds me of my time of slumber and finding of meaning in the early 2006s. With its cheerful lyrics and dances, it was able to inspire me through the times of lonliness back then.
3. No.1 . . . the one song from BoA that really hooked me up. Started from a mere coincidence of helping my brotha . . . it was me who in fact got mesmerized by the upbeat and flowing color of this song. Addig the PV, it really left itself in my playlist and to always remind me of letting someone to be always my No.1 ;)
4. When You Say Nothing At All . . . a song from my early high school times. The thought of this song back then was how letting the sense of silence with our loved ones enabled the progress of even better understanding each other. You don’t have to talk too much, just let your hearts to listen to each other and feel how serenity can help heal and bond.
5. Drink It Down . . . one of the rockiest songs I’ve heard till now . . . still....courtesy of larc. It gave me the thought of hitting everything in my way back then when I was still putting my foundation on studies in Perth. To drink down every suffer, pain and discontent, that lead me to focus my thoughts on study which Alhamdulillah succeeded.
That’ll be all for now. I’ll be sure to make a continuation of this as there ae plenty more to write down to. Jya ne ;)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
Young Dreams
Ever remember what you wanted to be when you were a child? Those young and cheerful days where you would just sprout out innocent wishes of we would like to be once grown up. The endless imagination and hopes of a certain someone and something to become. And yet, once grown up, have we yet bothered to look back and see what we yearned of back in those youthful days?
For such thing personally, it just gives me the smiles and giggles on what happened back then. It certainly was a time that all our wants were based on what we liked and mostly exposed to back then. The earliest thing that I could remember was wanting to be an astronaut :D. Why such the lavish yet almost impossible feat that even an Indonesian couldn’t achieve until now? I guess it was all due to my fascination of space and all its celestial objects that prompted me to dream of being the certain person to be able to see them directly in the space up there in the sky.
Upon this dream, I guess the closest step for me was when I went to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida way back then when I was a kid around 1991-1992. The sheer excitement to come and see for yourself, how all the well known gadgets and instruments on space exploration were put to exhibit in that place. It really put me in a surreal feeling as if your one of those people that really did go up in space.
And as you grow up upon the years, things changes and dreams also follow forth. My next things to be was pretty much simple . . . to be a postman :P. After the highs, now all I wanted to be was way down in the earths. Again . . . naze? This one was just merely because at that time I was infuriated with philately aKa stamp collecting. My simple thought was if I would be working as a post officer, I would get easy access to stamps anywhere and everywhere :)). Pretty lame reason but hey, It’s just a memory to be remembered. In terms of a hobby, I also would think that this hobby is one of the ones I’ve maintain for quite some time before letting it go for something else. I also sometimes feel the tickle in myself to come back and mingle again with those objects even until now since it really leaves me the sense of nostalgic when I reminisce back on hunting and collecting new and old stamps ;)).
After this point onwards, I guess it was a period of void and vacancy of hobbies and dreams. The need of pragmatism and daily I think crumbled my dreams to be something. Even when I still wanted one to be, It would have to be something more realistic and achievable in my state as I grew older. I guess that’s one phase that would eventually happen to someone once you age and reach the step of maturity. Innocent dreams change to pragmatic and often dull wishes, leaving out the youthful passion of something happy to become. If this is the case, one would wonder why such thing often happens to ones life.
As far as I would be concerned, it might be the constant exposure to the cruel reality outside, how you would face them yet struggling to maintain the innocence of ones dream. Such thing wouldn’t be an easy journey as life is cruel and would eat up your very virtue on something. I too have experienced it. It might sound sad doing so, but never I have regretted the process as I believed it was something that would lead myself to something newer too. Personally, it was just a matter of letting things flow. The only thing that changed was the fact that I slowly realized that . . . my life was almost left dreamless, living as a drone that was told to be.
Stop for a while, look back and start envisioning the future that was something that I had to do sooner or later I thought, and honestly, it wasn’t an easy, not to say a pleasant process. I had to compromise most of the things I’ve gone through and yet, keeping myself to be let astray by this world. When did this happen, I guess sometime in the midst of Perthian lands just a couple of years ago. Needless to say, I have to be grateful for this process, since it has enlightened and matured me to some extent. It was from this point onwards that I finally realized the places that I can be and could go. If I look back at my past standards, it wouldn’t be one fulfilling thing, but rest assured, I still believe it would be something that lead me to something I would finally yearn and proud of. The humble desire to just come back to earth and submit yourself towards the modest dream of devoting life to religiousness. Upon this final dream, all I can say is Amin Ya Allah Ya Rabb. It might now match to what I’m coming to become, but that’s the only innocence inside me that’s left to keep and dream of . . .
For such thing personally, it just gives me the smiles and giggles on what happened back then. It certainly was a time that all our wants were based on what we liked and mostly exposed to back then. The earliest thing that I could remember was wanting to be an astronaut :D. Why such the lavish yet almost impossible feat that even an Indonesian couldn’t achieve until now? I guess it was all due to my fascination of space and all its celestial objects that prompted me to dream of being the certain person to be able to see them directly in the space up there in the sky.
Upon this dream, I guess the closest step for me was when I went to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida way back then when I was a kid around 1991-1992. The sheer excitement to come and see for yourself, how all the well known gadgets and instruments on space exploration were put to exhibit in that place. It really put me in a surreal feeling as if your one of those people that really did go up in space.
And as you grow up upon the years, things changes and dreams also follow forth. My next things to be was pretty much simple . . . to be a postman :P. After the highs, now all I wanted to be was way down in the earths. Again . . . naze? This one was just merely because at that time I was infuriated with philately aKa stamp collecting. My simple thought was if I would be working as a post officer, I would get easy access to stamps anywhere and everywhere :)). Pretty lame reason but hey, It’s just a memory to be remembered. In terms of a hobby, I also would think that this hobby is one of the ones I’ve maintain for quite some time before letting it go for something else. I also sometimes feel the tickle in myself to come back and mingle again with those objects even until now since it really leaves me the sense of nostalgic when I reminisce back on hunting and collecting new and old stamps ;)).
After this point onwards, I guess it was a period of void and vacancy of hobbies and dreams. The need of pragmatism and daily I think crumbled my dreams to be something. Even when I still wanted one to be, It would have to be something more realistic and achievable in my state as I grew older. I guess that’s one phase that would eventually happen to someone once you age and reach the step of maturity. Innocent dreams change to pragmatic and often dull wishes, leaving out the youthful passion of something happy to become. If this is the case, one would wonder why such thing often happens to ones life.
As far as I would be concerned, it might be the constant exposure to the cruel reality outside, how you would face them yet struggling to maintain the innocence of ones dream. Such thing wouldn’t be an easy journey as life is cruel and would eat up your very virtue on something. I too have experienced it. It might sound sad doing so, but never I have regretted the process as I believed it was something that would lead myself to something newer too. Personally, it was just a matter of letting things flow. The only thing that changed was the fact that I slowly realized that . . . my life was almost left dreamless, living as a drone that was told to be.
Stop for a while, look back and start envisioning the future that was something that I had to do sooner or later I thought, and honestly, it wasn’t an easy, not to say a pleasant process. I had to compromise most of the things I’ve gone through and yet, keeping myself to be let astray by this world. When did this happen, I guess sometime in the midst of Perthian lands just a couple of years ago. Needless to say, I have to be grateful for this process, since it has enlightened and matured me to some extent. It was from this point onwards that I finally realized the places that I can be and could go. If I look back at my past standards, it wouldn’t be one fulfilling thing, but rest assured, I still believe it would be something that lead me to something I would finally yearn and proud of. The humble desire to just come back to earth and submit yourself towards the modest dream of devoting life to religiousness. Upon this final dream, all I can say is Amin Ya Allah Ya Rabb. It might now match to what I’m coming to become, but that’s the only innocence inside me that’s left to keep and dream of . . .
Early Last Year ~ Like Father . . . Like Son
Okok . . . you all might be wondering, why would I again, bring this period up. I do personally understand and remember that this time of my life was pretty much devastating. Not only on a personal level but also caused some fundamental changes to my way of thinking. But that is why then again I would like to bring it up again as there were many things unexplored in terms of what changed.
On a trivial and observable level, the changes that happened included my sudden change on not reading manga’s on a routine scale and getting a girlfriend. But some subtle changes did in fact happen to me. Changes that involved how I saw myself and in relation to my closest people around me.
The realization mostly happened due to my increasing interaction with my parents these past couple of months since that time. It couldn’t be helped, for I haven’t been living together properly as a family since the past couple of years since I was sent to Malang. During these times, I realized some things about how I am and been doing things.
Simple facts like my forgetfulness, inability to be intuitive and most of all, my ineptness in basic social communication were revealed. Ever since, I have been always trying my best to improve and excel in those areas where I lack. Still progressing slowly and the fruits of success are showing. However, the rest of the revelations are mostly related on a DNA level.
What I meant above is the fact that most of my traits are traits that I inherited from my father. Hahaha . . . honestly the last person I would be and now, I just realized that I indeed inherit most of my father’s traits, good and bad. Not in terms of traits, but currently, I’m also in the verge of also following the footsteps of my father’s career . . . a banker literally . . .
There’s a saying, the harder you dislike something, the harder it’ll hit back and return to you. Well, I guess that’s what happening to me rite now. Why I said he’s the last person I’d be cause I still can remember how my father’s trait has caused me mental hardships all these times. But then again, I also cannot deny that my recent success in study also happened due to the fact that I adopted most of my father’s tricks and traits in studying.
But then again, my girl once said to me, you’ve gotta let go of those hatred and disdain feelings, and embrace the fact of who you are. Only then that you will be able to excel far beyond your heritage. I guess that’s how I should put things rite now. Besides, I’m just feeling too old far a quarrel. I’ve been thinking, better to harness those given facts to the best of my advantage and make truce with past (which is with my dad).
Hence, here I am now, being the almost complete shadow of my dad. Nevertheless how facts may be, I still yearn to be someone different. Regardless so, seems I have to harness what’s already given in my DNA. I may have gained my masters, but in terms of life, I guess I have to admit that I need to learn a lot from my dad.
On a trivial and observable level, the changes that happened included my sudden change on not reading manga’s on a routine scale and getting a girlfriend. But some subtle changes did in fact happen to me. Changes that involved how I saw myself and in relation to my closest people around me.
The realization mostly happened due to my increasing interaction with my parents these past couple of months since that time. It couldn’t be helped, for I haven’t been living together properly as a family since the past couple of years since I was sent to Malang. During these times, I realized some things about how I am and been doing things.
Simple facts like my forgetfulness, inability to be intuitive and most of all, my ineptness in basic social communication were revealed. Ever since, I have been always trying my best to improve and excel in those areas where I lack. Still progressing slowly and the fruits of success are showing. However, the rest of the revelations are mostly related on a DNA level.
What I meant above is the fact that most of my traits are traits that I inherited from my father. Hahaha . . . honestly the last person I would be and now, I just realized that I indeed inherit most of my father’s traits, good and bad. Not in terms of traits, but currently, I’m also in the verge of also following the footsteps of my father’s career . . . a banker literally . . .
There’s a saying, the harder you dislike something, the harder it’ll hit back and return to you. Well, I guess that’s what happening to me rite now. Why I said he’s the last person I’d be cause I still can remember how my father’s trait has caused me mental hardships all these times. But then again, I also cannot deny that my recent success in study also happened due to the fact that I adopted most of my father’s tricks and traits in studying.
But then again, my girl once said to me, you’ve gotta let go of those hatred and disdain feelings, and embrace the fact of who you are. Only then that you will be able to excel far beyond your heritage. I guess that’s how I should put things rite now. Besides, I’m just feeling too old far a quarrel. I’ve been thinking, better to harness those given facts to the best of my advantage and make truce with past (which is with my dad).
Hence, here I am now, being the almost complete shadow of my dad. Nevertheless how facts may be, I still yearn to be someone different. Regardless so, seems I have to harness what’s already given in my DNA. I may have gained my masters, but in terms of life, I guess I have to admit that I need to learn a lot from my dad.
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