Young Dreams

Ever remember what you wanted to be when you were a child? Those young and cheerful days where you would just sprout out innocent wishes of we would like to be once grown up. The endless imagination and hopes of a certain someone and something to become. And yet, once grown up, have we yet bothered to look back and see what we yearned of back in those youthful days?

For such thing personally, it just gives me the smiles and giggles on what happened back then. It certainly was a time that all our wants were based on what we liked and mostly exposed to back then. The earliest thing that I could remember was wanting to be an astronaut :D. Why such the lavish yet almost impossible feat that even an Indonesian couldn’t achieve until now? I guess it was all due to my fascination of space and all its celestial objects that prompted me to dream of being the certain person to be able to see them directly in the space up there in the sky.

Upon this dream, I guess the closest step for me was when I went to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida way back then when I was a kid around 1991-1992. The sheer excitement to come and see for yourself, how all the well known gadgets and instruments on space exploration were put to exhibit in that place. It really put me in a surreal feeling as if your one of those people that really did go up in space.
And as you grow up upon the years, things changes and dreams also follow forth. My next things to be was pretty much simple . . . to be a postman :P. After the highs, now all I wanted to be was way down in the earths. Again . . . naze? This one was just merely because at that time I was infuriated with philately aKa stamp collecting. My simple thought was if I would be working as a post officer, I would get easy access to stamps anywhere and everywhere :)). Pretty lame reason but hey, It’s just a memory to be remembered. In terms of a hobby, I also would think that this hobby is one of the ones I’ve maintain for quite some time before letting it go for something else. I also sometimes feel the tickle in myself to come back and mingle again with those objects even until now since it really leaves me the sense of nostalgic when I reminisce back on hunting and collecting new and old stamps ;)).

After this point onwards, I guess it was a period of void and vacancy of hobbies and dreams. The need of pragmatism and daily I think crumbled my dreams to be something. Even when I still wanted one to be, It would have to be something more realistic and achievable in my state as I grew older. I guess that’s one phase that would eventually happen to someone once you age and reach the step of maturity. Innocent dreams change to pragmatic and often dull wishes, leaving out the youthful passion of something happy to become. If this is the case, one would wonder why such thing often happens to ones life.

As far as I would be concerned, it might be the constant exposure to the cruel reality outside, how you would face them yet struggling to maintain the innocence of ones dream. Such thing wouldn’t be an easy journey as life is cruel and would eat up your very virtue on something. I too have experienced it. It might sound sad doing so, but never I have regretted the process as I believed it was something that would lead myself to something newer too. Personally, it was just a matter of letting things flow. The only thing that changed was the fact that I slowly realized that . . . my life was almost left dreamless, living as a drone that was told to be.

Stop for a while, look back and start envisioning the future that was something that I had to do sooner or later I thought, and honestly, it wasn’t an easy, not to say a pleasant process. I had to compromise most of the things I’ve gone through and yet, keeping myself to be let astray by this world. When did this happen, I guess sometime in the midst of Perthian lands just a couple of years ago. Needless to say, I have to be grateful for this process, since it has enlightened and matured me to some extent. It was from this point onwards that I finally realized the places that I can be and could go. If I look back at my past standards, it wouldn’t be one fulfilling thing, but rest assured, I still believe it would be something that lead me to something I would finally yearn and proud of. The humble desire to just come back to earth and submit yourself towards the modest dream of devoting life to religiousness. Upon this final dream, all I can say is Amin Ya Allah Ya Rabb. It might now match to what I’m coming to become, but that’s the only innocence inside me that’s left to keep and dream of . . .