Ngelhencyyerr . . . .

Back again with da raiting….I guess It has been around 2 weeks since I last wrote something. Had some errands to do and finish of before reminding myself to keep track of my life’s journey on the blog. Let’s get going on the story the pal . . . . . ;)

Setelah usai ber-IELTS ria…pulanglah diriku ke Malang. Capek…tapi cukup senang karena tidak dinyana bisa ketemu “watashi no aisuru” disana. Setelah berdamai dan bermaaf2an….sempetlah kita berkencan sejenak ditengah jadwal2 kita yang tidak menentu. Dalam hal ini, aq harus berterima kasih ama Chandra yang telah meminjamkan kamar dan sepedanya demi istirahat dan kelancaran kencan kita . . . thanks bro ;).

At Malang, what I did was merely reading books and assembling the Gundam’s that I had brought. There were also a bunch of movies and drama’s that I had to catch up with. Haven’t finished them till now, but at least most of them are done. Other than that, it was mostly being a driver for my mom who had to go places during her stay at Malang.

The next week, I found myself at Jakarta for the next couple of days. My days here were mostly hanging round the mall (due to the lack of natural recreation sites >.<) and indulging myself with the finest foods that my dad treated when nite came. Though delicious (and expensive :P) . . . I felt kinda guilty these foods as they were “expensive” and were not my style as they would easily cause me to gain weight in an instance. In the end . . . my worries came true . . .:-S

Aside that, I used my time to roam the streets of Jakarta with a car finally. I do have to admit, driving in Jakarta needs extra patience and skill as it’s a jungle out there. My route wasn’t far, just a trip to PIM, Citos and round the block again thru the Jagorawi toll road before getting back to home. No scratches to the car luckily, but it did leave my foot in quite the ache as I had to continuously keep hitting the clutch >_>. Nevertheless, my time in Jakarta was something new as I did some self driving. A note to myself, I gotta continuously try the roads to risen my driving time and increase the skills of “Jakarta driving” :P.

Next . . . was Jogja. But before that . . . mulih nang Malang sik sa’ wengi. Apesnya . . . moro2 awakmu kena diare sing cukup nggara’no awak lemes. Ketambahan AC sing ngowos pas ndek travel di perjalanan ke Jogja . . . jadilah diriku nggreges bin kembung sesampainya di Jogja. Sampai besok siangnya . . . kondisi badanku bener2 panas dalem nan nggliyeng. The good news . . . aq punya pacar yang sungguh baik dan terampil dalam merawat diriku sampai sembuh disana . . . makasih banyak ya hun atas kebaikan dan waktunya merawat diriku :-*

The bad news . . . kondisi badanku ini memaksaku tuk menyesuaikan tujuan wisata yang mau didatangi. Walhasil, hanya tempat2 di dalam kota Jogja aja yang bisa kujelajahi. Not bad though . . . coz ujung2nya tetep mendapatkan wisata kuliner yang mantap :D. Lumayanlah . . . bisa ngembaliin bobot badanku yang sempet drop gara2 diare sepulang dari Jakarta :P. Kalo ada kesempatan lain ke Jogja . . . aq piker harus lebih di-plan kegiatannya dan diperluas tempat2 yang mo dituju . . . semoga kesampaian :).

Dan sekarang . . . kembali di Malang menikmati waktu2 terakhirku disini sebelum nantinya harus menetap di Jakarta demi pencarian kerja. Entah kapan lagi bisa mengunjungi Malang. . . tapi perkiraan terjelekku sih ya pas Lebaran nantinya. Cukup lama juga . . . jadinya mumpung bisa ya selesaikan urusan2 yang hanya bisa diselesaikan di Malang. Kegiatan2nya ya paling2 sekitar baca buku, ngerawat gundam, ma ngrumat barang2 pribadi yang jarang2 kusentuh. Just gotta enjoy these idle time while you still have it ;).

I guess that’s for all . . . dunno when’s the next posting gonna be . . . may be still in Indo or when I’m back in Perth. Let’s just pray for the best . . . jya ne xD.

P . . . E . . . R . . . T . . . H

You gave me a journey . . . endless as it seemed . . . widening a vision and horizon of ones shell

You offered a second chance . . . to redeem and make up for past mistakes ever made

You gave me life . . . knowing how the world works . . . how naiveness is ones enemy for the future

You dropped me tears . . . for the un-knowing of life and all its ups and downs

You pushed me to the limits . . . doing things that would seem impossible had not I moved here

You taught me pain . . . to complement the tears that I’ve shed round these times

You threw me opportunities . . . putting me on a different level beyond expectations

You let me mature . . . experiencing the every days of life in solitude and togetherness

You let me love . . . granting me an angel (insya Allah) to share life with

You let me dream again . . . awakening sleeping visions of youth and idealism
However . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You also slammed me back to the ground . . . reminding me where I should start of with

Nevertheless . . . I am endlessly in debt and would always feel gratitude towards all I felt, encountered and experienced here . . . for it shall always form a new me for what’s to come.

May everything that has been grown . . . sowed . . . and started . . . continue to foster and forever grow in our hearts and mind for benevolences. As it will be the last thing that will keep our nexuses for eternity . . . .

12012010 . . . Ao sora no shita de

Menghujam Tanah

“Bermimpilah . . . maka Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpi itu . . . “

Sepenggal kutipan kata2 dari Arai, tokoh di tetralogi Laskar Pelangi. Sungguh . . . suatu rangkaian kata2 yang menggugah optimisme dan semangat siapapun yang membacanya. Seakan seribu tenaga membuncah diri kita dan jalanan seterjal apapun akan lapang disapu gelora kekuatan angan-angan.

On a personal level, I really embraced these words, especially when I finished the first three books of the series. Back then, it was one of the motivations that kept me running thru the never ending storms of life in Perth. Even till now, I keep these words high, believing myself that I still have more to encounter and see in the near future.

However, as life is, it is also cruel and unpredictable. My initial dreams and thoughts of directly trying my luck for a job abroad would have to be buried . . . once and for all. Reason? Merely due to the fact that I failed to gain my parents blessings. It might sound lame. But there’s nothing left to it. Without it, even though I can force myself, it would all feel empty and meaningless.

Wondering bout this and when I reminisce back half a year ago, all seemed very contradictory. The basic results were same, but back then, I just felt content and accepting my very fact that I would have to work back home. But I guess recent talks and urges from friends and acquaintances sparked that last hope within me to again . . . pursue the attempt to try and get a job in aussie.

With it, I then applied for another IELTS test. Nevertheless, I forgot about that very factor that would be the basis of what I would be doing . . . a blessing. And now, it would seem that everything is in ashes . . . hopeless . . . and plain without a streak of light for me. Despite so . . . it doesn’t seem that way.

The last week . . . I’ve been trying to make peace for myself towards this stunning revelation that slammed me back to the ground. Trying to find the very meaning, any possibilities and also . . . introspecting on my journey and my future steps. It wasn’t until a couple of days ago that something very simple . . . gave me the idea and thought that everything can be done . . . whenever and wherever we are.

A mere session at the movie watching “Sang Pemimpi”, the second instalment of the Laskar Pelangi tetralogy really gave me a spark to again try my final card and work there. But my best friend of mine reminded me that . . . start your dreams from where you stand . . . it doesn’t have to be far away . . . just do it one by one from where the chances are the most visible and feasible. Simple words that really left me stunned.

Thoses words, really hyped up the truce process within me. Now . . . I can finally say that I can finally made peace with myself and accept what I have to do as starters. All I can do back in Perth on my last days there, is to just savor the very last moments and reminisce a very very splendid and colourful journey in my life.

Though it seem by others that I’m wasting my very talents, skills and chances, recent events and back thinking again and once again, strengthened my intention to stay here . . . at least for some while before soaring high again sometime. On a personal scale, I have yet one final wish that I want to fulfil, one wish that can only be started here, as it is also a step to redeem my self as being a fallen angel. It is with this step, I am hoping myself to be a better person for the closest people around me, as I also realized, regardless of high my dreams might be, it would be all meaningless if you just leave your closest ones without any guidance, care, and help they might need.

As an epilogue, I would quote a sentence that I have just found from a novel that I just brought. It says “Often . . . we must do something else and take detours and beat round the bush to be someone we want to be”. If it is so . . . then I would regard what I will be doing in the near future as an act of bouncing back down to earth before finally be an angel and soar high and mighty in the skies . . . amin :).

Pressure on ME !!

Next round . . . another step of hard hitting self reversing and up side downs to start of what’s gonna be a new step in life. Painful as it goes, there’s a saying that you’ll be able to conquesr the world once you’ve known who you are . . . well…lets just hope this is the start of me conquering the world :P

Ok…ok….enough intermezzo . . . well…pressure ehh… again . . . please do not ask how I knew I was suffering from this . . . damn . . . I curse myself for forgetting why I had these in the beginning . . . the process of recalling and reminiscing is just too long . . . not to mention painful in some occasions. But . . it’s gotta be done little by little . . .

Fiuuhh . . . I just kinda think that I often freak out whenever things go out of my reach or what I intended. It often happened way back in my days when I once came back to Indo after years of living abroad. The sheer life of typical Indonesians that was full of pressure, unorder and quick pace really fuzzed out my brain. End result . . . it then caused me to forget the necessary things that I had to remember when time called upon it. As I grew, I trained myself not only to deal with it, but also to put some countermeasure towards it. Though till this very moment, I’m still struggling to overcome this horrible habit, some measures have succeeding in at least lessening the negative impact. It just needs continuous practice and self adapting in order to have any good effects.

What have I done? Hmmm . . . . as far as I remember, I tried to be somewhat ignorant. I know it sounds kinda bad or something, but this really I fact has aided me in un-worrying about the unnecessary aspects of my life. But then, in any further writings later on, this too has brought upon me several side effects that also contribute to my major bad habit. Next . . . in conjunction to this step, writing down a plan has also helped me in putting all into proper order. Hence, I wouldn’t have to worry too much on any future uncertainties. Last . . . is to forecast any potential and possible outcomes of what I might end up doing or experiencing. Hey . . . I realize that my steps above might seem somewhat too uptight and strict. By doing so, I do admit that all those above still needs some polishing, but in the mean while . . . all is good mate .

Aside any personal side effects above mentioned, I guess the only challenge for me is to learn not to freak out on any future unwanted conditions that I might face. Usually, it all happened due to my lack of life experiences that I ought to have. Hence, I should by now learn all the important things on life. Such kinda things can’t be learnt thru colleges and schools, but often must be experienced first hand.

By enriching ourselves, we can then learn to overcome the sensation of being under pressure and live a more carefree life. I just ought to remember, pressures, whatever and how it would be, will always exist in life. But how we deal and cope with it, determines the quality on how we live our life. It’s about juggling the ups and downs in life that we are able to enjoy things as they are . . . 

Introvert

New year . . . no hopes . . . and new resolutions . . . they say . . . thinking of that, it makes me wonder whether do I have one?Well . . . I know that these kinda things don’t have to wait for new years to come, but its just that recent events have caused me to think and consider on several matters, when if not settled or at least given a thought to begin with, would linger on in my life as a fatal problem.

Nggg….ok . . . the first problem….as stated on the title. Yeah….its something that I’ve suffered . . . or in proper terms . . . been doing all my life. I can’t recall when this sensation happened, but if I were asked a period in my life, I guess it was around my years in Singapore, around my middle primary school days. Why it happen….hell yeah that’s another hard question. But a good one to begin with as it’ll start of to undo this particular issue of myself.

Maybe . . . it all was because I had friends that were kinda outgoing . . . able to speak out anythings in their heads. I could have followed suit myself, but as I tried over the years, it just felt not for me. The sensation that speaking anything randomly and promptly was really out of my mind as I thought words would be better of thought first and to be listened and given a consideration. At first, I thought myself as a shy boy . . . but then as age passed, it’s not what I thought it was.

Years went by, many things I’ve experienced and faced, how react and consider all of them eventually gave me a knowing of what I was. Though I was in denial to really admit I was having this thing, it took me some while to finally embrace and accept what I am right now. Before, it just felt really embarrassing and annoying, knowing others could just sprout out words and find friends in an instance. For me. . . . it was the whole opposite, time consuming and often . . . beating round the bush.

Despite the efforts to join various outside activities, it still stayed and took the best of me. Eventually causing me to fail slowly in some areas where I thought it would be my destiny. That time . . . . it took a toll on me as I felt down and deemed myself as nothing but a worthless thing. Time passed on . . . it still stayed . . . however, it took a certain event or happening for me to finally realise in mind on how to harness it.

My move overseas was one major step to accumulate and harness what I had to my fullest potential. At first, what I did really didn’t got me as I did things for what I had to do. But later on, it turned out what I have been doing was slowly done by harnessing this one thing that I once hated, despised and detested into something that would in one way or another . . . save me from the ravages of life.

Nevertheless, with this realization, I still need to further harness it properly, and use it when really needed. Relying on it every moment wouldn’t do me any good as the world is not for people like me. Every once in a while, I need to get out of the box, seek out new adventures and challenge my inner self to survive . . . exist and show my worth as a man. By challenging new things, I can learn to get outta my comfort zone, learn to practice life skills and knowledge, and furthermore, gaining life links for future reference. Before I moved abroad, such thing was really unthinkable, but after moving, it proved me a life time experience.

But ending my journey . . . or to be precise . . . I’ve ended my journey, the various life options ahead of me are really uneasy. Each one of them has their plus and minuses. Either way, I would be forced to consistently step out of my box to face the harshness of this world. The only difference would be that one option would be in advantage of money . . . that’s all. End note . . . to continuously position our self in a challenging situation would push ourselves to our maximum potential. But in the same time . . . keeping our inner consciousness and consideration are equally important to not get lost in the never ending law of the jungle.