Menghujam Tanah

“Bermimpilah . . . maka Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpi itu . . . “

Sepenggal kutipan kata2 dari Arai, tokoh di tetralogi Laskar Pelangi. Sungguh . . . suatu rangkaian kata2 yang menggugah optimisme dan semangat siapapun yang membacanya. Seakan seribu tenaga membuncah diri kita dan jalanan seterjal apapun akan lapang disapu gelora kekuatan angan-angan.

On a personal level, I really embraced these words, especially when I finished the first three books of the series. Back then, it was one of the motivations that kept me running thru the never ending storms of life in Perth. Even till now, I keep these words high, believing myself that I still have more to encounter and see in the near future.

However, as life is, it is also cruel and unpredictable. My initial dreams and thoughts of directly trying my luck for a job abroad would have to be buried . . . once and for all. Reason? Merely due to the fact that I failed to gain my parents blessings. It might sound lame. But there’s nothing left to it. Without it, even though I can force myself, it would all feel empty and meaningless.

Wondering bout this and when I reminisce back half a year ago, all seemed very contradictory. The basic results were same, but back then, I just felt content and accepting my very fact that I would have to work back home. But I guess recent talks and urges from friends and acquaintances sparked that last hope within me to again . . . pursue the attempt to try and get a job in aussie.

With it, I then applied for another IELTS test. Nevertheless, I forgot about that very factor that would be the basis of what I would be doing . . . a blessing. And now, it would seem that everything is in ashes . . . hopeless . . . and plain without a streak of light for me. Despite so . . . it doesn’t seem that way.

The last week . . . I’ve been trying to make peace for myself towards this stunning revelation that slammed me back to the ground. Trying to find the very meaning, any possibilities and also . . . introspecting on my journey and my future steps. It wasn’t until a couple of days ago that something very simple . . . gave me the idea and thought that everything can be done . . . whenever and wherever we are.

A mere session at the movie watching “Sang Pemimpi”, the second instalment of the Laskar Pelangi tetralogy really gave me a spark to again try my final card and work there. But my best friend of mine reminded me that . . . start your dreams from where you stand . . . it doesn’t have to be far away . . . just do it one by one from where the chances are the most visible and feasible. Simple words that really left me stunned.

Thoses words, really hyped up the truce process within me. Now . . . I can finally say that I can finally made peace with myself and accept what I have to do as starters. All I can do back in Perth on my last days there, is to just savor the very last moments and reminisce a very very splendid and colourful journey in my life.

Though it seem by others that I’m wasting my very talents, skills and chances, recent events and back thinking again and once again, strengthened my intention to stay here . . . at least for some while before soaring high again sometime. On a personal scale, I have yet one final wish that I want to fulfil, one wish that can only be started here, as it is also a step to redeem my self as being a fallen angel. It is with this step, I am hoping myself to be a better person for the closest people around me, as I also realized, regardless of high my dreams might be, it would be all meaningless if you just leave your closest ones without any guidance, care, and help they might need.

As an epilogue, I would quote a sentence that I have just found from a novel that I just brought. It says “Often . . . we must do something else and take detours and beat round the bush to be someone we want to be”. If it is so . . . then I would regard what I will be doing in the near future as an act of bouncing back down to earth before finally be an angel and soar high and mighty in the skies . . . amin :).