A really hard month . . . one tough month to be precise. Even though had my birthday at this month, it turned out to be one bloody and messy month in the end. Not to mention all these came during the holy month of Ramadhan (1st one in Indo after 2 years :D ). Hence, I felt that I’ve been pushed to the limits by the heavens both physically and mentally.
After novusland, more work was awaiting us. It wasn’t long after this that I got transferred to another unit within my ongoing department. As things looked easy before, things turned out hellish for the next couple of weeks. A series of faults, mistakes and errors in my work raised an alarm from other co-workers. This caused myself to be under scrutiny for my ability to do things correctly and timely.
It wasn’t bout work solely that made me into this. A volley of of work stuffs like preparing the TRP ifthtar, relationship quarrels and the decrease in body fitness and stamina added up to all the mess. On a physical side, I’ve already lost a whopping 6 kg in a mere 3 weeks (still counting) during fasting. Not to mention losing a couple of mL’s of blood due to frequent nosebleeds. Mentally? bloody tired and drained would be two words to help describe my condition.
When I thought all hell would be unleashed at me during this holy month, I then realized, it is at this very moments that my patience, firmness and consciousness is put to the ultimate test. I might be able to say such things rite now since the storm that I’ve been going thru has pretty much weathered away. But if I look back 3 weeks ago . . . damn . . . things were so low and poor for me. I even failed to think properly and calmly due to all the hectic and mess caused.
But what really caused me to do so? Ineptness to listen and implement given solutions would be one cause. My nature of listening things first while needing to internalize it later on seemed to not work and be accepted in the work place at they demanded quick and thorough response. And that gave me one punch. One more things was the lacking of anger and emotion venting for myself. It might sound stupid, but the ongoing pile of stress and workload also forced me for the need to vent out all negative excess emotions in myself in good and healthy manner . . . which I was obviously low on . . . . T_T
Therefore, with the slightest will to settle things, I embarked on a 2 day therapy session with my sweet psychologist to help me weather things up. In some ways it work but id does need more practice and patience. Another things is to keep my ears and heart open to new and constant critic from anyone. It’s not like my ability to mess things up was given in the first place, it was just about how I haven’t harnessed my potentials and even ended up neglecting myself.
Speaking of potentials, a small chat with my work mentor gave a little bit of flashback on how I’ve been neglecting my potentials and leaving them away unharnessed. When she asked how I would put my right and left arm together, she said that my position ended up with myself as someone who has high potentials in art . . . ART???? AAARRRTTTTTT???? Huahahahahaha . . . . . seriously . . . I was laughing in my heart when I heard this. Why coz I really do suck in this area. Even though I did learn the piano and painting when I was young, it never ever did any result nor caught my firm passion. Even if there was one art that I really put my passion to was martial arts.
However, things gave a turn when I told this to my mentor. She said that all my experiences were a waste since they had to stop at such early levels. I do admit so. And then she continued on that even such experience shows that I do have the potential to excel in arts. I just have to put more time, effort and passion in learning to do so. It’s such a waste to not let my experience continue on in these areas as all I needed was a little more effort and practice. Well . . well . . .well . . . that was one life lecture that really hit me. And I have to be honest that she was right on the spot.
With this, I was then left wondering, have I been neglecting a whole lot of things in my life where I actually could have been good at? Have I not given my 100% in all areas of my life?If the sky is my limit . . . than what means must I take to reach the sky??
PS : Why do I wonder that I end up with more and more answers :P
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