How should I start this blog. It's not that i'm sad. It's just I feel kinda guilty. It all started 6 month ago. I started to get close to one of my friend, a girl of course. At first, I only considered her as a friend, just a friend. But due to some circumstances, we started to go out together.
I did start to grow feelings for her in the beginning. But, I did feel some differences that would eventually keep us apart if we did start to go on a serious relationship. But, still, I did regard her as a close friend till now.
We did keep in touch periodically. As time passed, we started to share our stories together. I too did. One of it was about my sorrowfull past between me and a women whom I admired, respected and loved. And it was in the process that I finally knew indirectly that she too regarded me as just a friend. To me back then, that relieved me.
I couldn't remember on what occasion, but she suddenly to tell her stories about her relationship with another guy. As a friend, I didn't have a single thought of jealousy. But, she also stated that there was something important that I had to know. But I only can know what it was about only after I take my thesis tests. I followed her instructions and restarined myself from knowing what it was till the time came.
Time Passed and eventually I finally I managed to past my final tests, eventhough with a revision. I suddenly remembered that I had to know what was in store for me, having to wait till I finised my tests. And suudenly my close friend told me the truth from her that she didn't regard me just as a friend, but as someone she loved, someone special for her and so on. Honestly, I wasn't the least surprised knowing this, It just left me a bit confused and guilty on knowing this.
Why do I feel this way, it's because I feel that I've been playing with someone's heart (something that i really don't wanna do) and I've been insensible towards her feelings towards me, not knowing that she did some point in the past loved me. And know....I still ponder why do I have to know this kind of truth so late.
Despite this sorrowfull truth, I still can't regard her as no one, she is still...one of my friends. But. . .I also can't pretend nothing hasn't happened between us. One thing's for sure, from now onwards, I shall and should be carefull in building a relationship with a women. Carefull enough to not to repeat this kind of mistake.
Now......it's as if I've been rejected. Well, it's not bad, it should add up to my CV of course.....
I did start to grow feelings for her in the beginning. But, I did feel some differences that would eventually keep us apart if we did start to go on a serious relationship. But, still, I did regard her as a close friend till now.
We did keep in touch periodically. As time passed, we started to share our stories together. I too did. One of it was about my sorrowfull past between me and a women whom I admired, respected and loved. And it was in the process that I finally knew indirectly that she too regarded me as just a friend. To me back then, that relieved me.
I couldn't remember on what occasion, but she suddenly to tell her stories about her relationship with another guy. As a friend, I didn't have a single thought of jealousy. But, she also stated that there was something important that I had to know. But I only can know what it was about only after I take my thesis tests. I followed her instructions and restarined myself from knowing what it was till the time came.
Time Passed and eventually I finally I managed to past my final tests, eventhough with a revision. I suddenly remembered that I had to know what was in store for me, having to wait till I finised my tests. And suudenly my close friend told me the truth from her that she didn't regard me just as a friend, but as someone she loved, someone special for her and so on. Honestly, I wasn't the least surprised knowing this, It just left me a bit confused and guilty on knowing this.
Why do I feel this way, it's because I feel that I've been playing with someone's heart (something that i really don't wanna do) and I've been insensible towards her feelings towards me, not knowing that she did some point in the past loved me. And know....I still ponder why do I have to know this kind of truth so late.
Despite this sorrowfull truth, I still can't regard her as no one, she is still...one of my friends. But. . .I also can't pretend nothing hasn't happened between us. One thing's for sure, from now onwards, I shall and should be carefull in building a relationship with a women. Carefull enough to not to repeat this kind of mistake.
Now......it's as if I've been rejected. Well, it's not bad, it should add up to my CV of course.....
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